To stand on that stage, facing fears I didn’t know I had. 

I was scared out of my mind …

…And into my heart

I felt my VOICE for first time in a long time, pleading to be heard. 

DOING IT wasn’t near as scary as thinking about it was. In fact, I came alive in a very real way. Colors brightened and it seemed as though I finally took my first breath

I have since attended many personal development retreats, and still I will always be grateful for that first one—Good to Great in Belize—where I learned that life begins outside of my comfort zone.

 It’s where I began to believe that maybe – – just maybe – –my VOICE is WORTH hearing. 

And now it’s my turn to invite you onto that proverbial stage. 

I can’t wait to hear YOUR voice 

Are you ready? 

You’re worth it!

I just spent a weekend in Kelowna, British Columbia, where I spent some time with my coach and friend, David TS Wood. He was the facilitator of the Good  to Great Retreat that began my quest to Awaken my VOICE!

My vision for the Awaken your VOICE Retreat  has been to duplicate the journey that I have been on for the last decade and condense it into two and half days. I am super excited because I really believe that we did just that!!!

Join me May 16th- 18th 2019 in beautiful St. George, UT, for the AWAKEN YOUR VOICE RETREAT!!!
Check theyouconnection.com for details!

The post Awaken Your Voice first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Awaken Your Voice appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Talk about your fears, your struggles, your sorrows; give voice to your thoughts, ideas, and dreams.

Find & Speak your VOICE!

ARE YOU READY to CONNECT to YOU again?
JOIN US!!

Connect to your Value, your Power, and your Purpose at the FIND YOUR VOICE RETREAT!

TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW theYOUconnection.com

The post Sharing What's Going On Inside Of You Will Set You Free first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Sharing What's Going On Inside Of You Will Set You Free appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I have a message and I feel compelled to share it, because my story is not my own.

All of us experience challenges. Some of our challenges are visible: disability, disorder, disease, poverty, abuse, addiction…  My heart goes out to people who suffer with such things, and I feel joy and inspiration when these people are able to overcome the struggles they face.

Some of us struggle silently with things that aren’t as easy to be seen, and often these people feel alone. In comparison to some of the challenges they see others endure, their “problems” seem less significant than what others are going through, so it can feel like they have no right to struggle. On the outside their lives look “perfect,” and no one is supposed to know. They feel ashamed or weak or stupid for feeling the way they do, and they stay silent. It’s as if they are being beaten repeatedly with a really large club which is their own negative voice.  I understand it because I lived it for a really long time. I lived with the enemy—all the time— and it felt like I could never escape.

I’m so grateful that I found a way out—led by beautiful mentors who offered safety and support.  I was given a gift that is now mine to give.

Find Your VOICE Retreat

Connect to your Value, your Power, and your Purpose!

The post The Silent Suffer: My Story Is Not My Own first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post The Silent Suffer: My Story Is Not My Own appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I had heard similar words before, not necessarily directed right at me, and I thought it sounded ridiculous. This time, however, they sank deep. They bothered me, actually. I could feel the truth behind those words for the first time ever, but I had no idea where to start. I let his words simmer in the back of my mind and seep into my heart. I began to pay attention to people who had the body confidence that I wanted. I heard many of them speak about the power of self-love; I noticed that most people who seemed confident were involved in something they were passionate about; and somehow they seemed to carry a common theme of “being” rather than “doing.”

Being vs Doing: What did that even mean? I had the thought to begin practicing yoga. Honestly, I thought it would just be a way to stretch my tight muscles–I thought the meditation part was weird–but being immersed in the atmosphere of the class, I began to notice more peace inside myself.  I found that with continued practice I was becoming more aware of my body–how it worked–and that being aware of every part of my body made it possible for me to not only perform the poses better but also to release all the chatter of my mind. I began to notice more of what was going on around me, even outside of the yoga studio. The first year it was all but impossible for me to look at the mirror “into my own two eyes,” as the practice suggested. It was so uncomfortable–almost disgusting to me–but, as I continued to attend class, even that began to change. I realized that I had almost been a stranger to my own body, and I slowly allowed myself to become friends with that image in the mirror.

Passion for Life:  I thought my next step happened by accident, but the more I realize that there truly are no coincidences, the more I am certain that it was exactly the right thing at the right time for me. I attended Good to Great with David TS Wood on his island in Belize. I thought I was going just to be with my husband, Dave, because the retreat was held during the week of our 22nd anniversary. Since I was only allowed to attend if I participated, I decided I’d play along. Wow! That was such a life changing event!! It was hard and scary and pushed me in many ways, and it showed me that passion for life really does exist outside of my comfort zone.  I realized that I could do hard things, and I also realized how supportive people are. I met beautiful people I could call friends, and more importantly, they helped me to believe that they also called me friend.
Self-Love:  Because I felt a desire to truly love myself, I decided to treat myself as such. I found an accountability partner who showed me how to switch things just a little to get maximum benefit out of the foods I chose to eat. I began losing weight immediately. I began to change the way I felt about exercise. I let myself try new activities until I found something I enjoyed. I no longer go to the gym feeling like I need to “kill it” in order to get results. The more fun I have, the more I feel like I’m working with my body instead of against it.

So… what about negative self-talk? 

The post “Love Yourself Thin”–What does that even mean? first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post “Love Yourself Thin”–What does that even mean? appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I call it #ThoughtfulThursday.

Thoughtful, as in “full of thought.” Only this week, I am feeling more the thoughtfulness of people and the miracles of life,  and I’m Thankful.

So, I’ll also call it #ThankfulThursday.

I mentioned that I PLAN to do a weekly blog post, and lately, each Thursday I find excuses to not do it. I’ve talked about it before. Apparently, there’s still a “perfection” block somewhere. Of course, this means overcoming the need for blogging perfection has become my next deep dive.

Last night (which was Thursday) as I laid in bed–somewhere between asleep and awake–I first realized I yet again missed a #ThoughtfulThursday post.  My thoughts turned quickly, however, to the recent happenings of my life. Suddenly I was overcome with gratitude as I realized that so many of the VISIONS I have written on my 3×5 cards have been manifesting! Life is a progression of miracles!

• Manifestation #1: On Wednesday, I became a published author as Journey of Riches: Personal Changes was released on Amazon. It’s a compilation book headed by John Spender, and my story is told in Chapter 2: “Time To Stop Hiding.” (A little bit ironic, hey?)
• Manifestation #2: Next week, October 5 (also Thursday) my first podcast will be born: Dare to Find Your V.O.I.C.E.  I remember how afraid I was to join Dave on the Mechanic to Millionaire podcast 3 years ago. I also knew that if I said no, he probably wouldn’t ask again, and deep down, I really wanted to join him. I am so glad that I did! It has blessed my life in so many ways!!
  • And now I also have MY OWN SHOW!
• Manifestion #3: Community! Friends! Connection to beautiful, powerful people who support me and whom I am blessed to support in return. I am surrounded by this blessing every day!

I am so overcome!! Amazed! Awestruck! 

And yet…it feels so natural and “in the flow…” 

The gratitude is real.

Today I recorded three podcast interviews. I really love interviewing people. The stories of ALL people fascinate me, and some touch me in powerful ways. The three ladies I interviewed today have all blessed my life, and I am still so touched by the words of wisdom they shared with me (and soon all of my listeners) today. One in particular, Udana Power, talked about how she cherishes the “juiciness of ordinary moments.” As she spoke, I realized that THAT is the very source of my gratitude!!

When I first joined Mechanic to Millionaire, I was hesitant to share my stories. I used to think they were too ordinary and small and extremely unimportant, but as Dave and I talk about the principles of success, so many times I feel compelled to share the little things! I used to worry that I said too much, but every time I share my silly little fears and how I have pushed myself through them, those are the times that I receive messages of love and gratitude from beautiful people. Those are the times that I get to feel YOU–the listeners, my friends–because you also open up and share with me.  So THIS is what I am feeling so grateful for tonight–the love and support that all of my listeners, friends, partners give me–always. It’s because of all of YOU that I am able to speak my V.O.I.C.E., and I’m extremely grateful.

Your kindness and acceptance have led me to find my calling. I feel it more and more deeply each day.

I will end with this simple little “accidental” video that explains how I came to first accept then grow into my current role of connecting women to their virtue, power, and purpose. But really, there are no accidents… 😉

The post #ThoughtfulThursday: #ThankfulThursday first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post #ThoughtfulThursday: #ThankfulThursday appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

“Haters gonna hate.” We hear it all the time. Personally–although I totally understand the sentiment of the phrase–I’m not a fan of the idea of “haters.”

I mean, I get it. Not everyone is on my side of every issue, every passion, every platform, every opinion. There are those (probably many) whose core values differ from mine. I have people in my life, just like everyone else, who are motivated by keeping me “safe”–they don’t want to see me hurt–so they may encourage me to stay small and avoid the risk of “arrows” or “haters.”  Does that mean these people hate me?

I don’t choose to see it that way. Maybe that’s why I never feel under attack.

In fact, I had a little (tiny, miniscule, really) experience the other day that could have been labeled as “haters gonna hate.” Someone from my childhood, someone I care about deeply–I called her my second mom–commented on one of my positive social media posts. (At least in MY opinion it was a positive post…) Her comment basically told me that I am taking too much room in the social media feed and that “we all would like to hear from someone else.” I will admit that it took me aback for a few minutes. How could someone I care about take time to say something so “hurtful” about something that was 100% intended to lift people up?!  I choose not to believe that this comment was meant to hurt my feelings, and even if it was, I choose not to feel hated.

I am not a subscriber to hate. I understand too much about human psychology to believe that people are motivated by hate.  There are several theories about what motivates people. I personally resonate with Maslow’s Theory of Self-Actualization.
Every human being has two basic emotional needs:

1. to know they are safe
2. to know they matter

Until these needs are met, people will seek for safety and significance. To many, different is unsafe, and to some, that triggers an instinct to fight. The scylla and charybdis here is that safety is often perceived as “lack of risk,” so if “different” means “unsafe,” it would make sense that separating from people who are different than we are is the way to stay safe.  I have learned that people who act out or speak out against me or others are often just afraid, feeling insecure, needing to know they matter to someone. When I remember this and look for the good in people–even the “haters”– 99 times out of 100, I find it. Jesus Christ taught, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

As one who is VERY aware of the principle of “opposition in all things” and of the reality of a spiritual adversary whose purpose it is to destroy the happiness of mankind, I understand that there is a real evil in this world. I don’t believe it exists in people, however. Not innately. It exists in thoughts of fear, selfishness, separation, confusion, and hatred, which can lead to reactive behaviors that look like hate.

The way to combat this confusion is not to focus on the “haters” but to have faith in all that is good–which includes people.

We are all children of God, who is Love, the very Source of all that is good. In His words, “Love one Another,” and “Be of Good Cheer.”

If we focus on the Goodness of People, we will find it.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
sources:
The motivation behind human behaviour
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Between_Scylla_and_Charybdis

The post What We Focus On We Find: wHaters gonna WHat? first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post What We Focus On We Find: wHaters gonna WHat? appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

One of my favorite mentors, Sandra Yancey, said that to me, and I love it. It reminds me that I am being guided by a higher power; it also reminds me of how much I am worth, and I’m worth a lot; we all are. But it’s way too easy to forget that as we go throughout our lives, and we fall into habits and routines that are beneath us. There is a reason it’s not good enough to only be living life day by day, and that’s because we all want to become the biggest, and fullest manifestation of ourselves that we can be. We are progressive beings! It is in our nature to want to be the best that we can be. We all have a psychological need to matter!
And still, we tend to forget… So let me remind you,

You have a purpose. You may or may not know it yet. You can discover it by asking yourself “Who Am I–Really?” and then, once you feel the answer, by being true to yourself. Sit quietly and find out who you are, then set your sites to BE that!
And “don’t insult that which is guiding you by aiming too low,” because you WILL be guided.

The gist is that finding your voice-finding yourself-is how you find your purpose. It’s easy to get very distracted as we’re searching because sometimes we get thrown through loops and get sent on roller coasters. Most of the time, we will not just get from point A to point B without trials, right? But if we keep going, we WILL get there. It takes patience, determination, and perseverance. Think of it as going on a road trip – You pack your things, get in the car, and embark on your journey. It is a given that you will encounter some red lights, stop signs, traffic, and you’ll even have to stop to fill up your tank once or twice. And I’m pretty sure that these “trials” very rarely make anyone turn around and go right back home where they’re more comfortable, and that is because they KNOW that if they keep driving, they WILL reach their destination.

Life is no different.

You will get there if you don’t turn around and go back home to where you’re comfortable.

We work together in one purpose because we all connect together in a higher purpose. Still, we all have our own individual personalities & we all have our own individual purpose. We all have our own individual desires, the things that make us tick, the talents that we’ve been given. My purpose is why I’m here; it’s what drives me every day. It can also be defined as my vision, and it becomes more clear as I move toward my purpose.
I encourage you to find time daily to sit in silence, using that time to connect the power of the Divine Creator to the power that is within you. Allow that connection to flow through you, and then recheck your vision and your purpose to bring them into a more clear and defined alignment with who you are designed to be.

The post Getting Clear: Discovering Your Clearly Defined Purpose first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Getting Clear: Discovering Your Clearly Defined Purpose appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

2) to conceal oneself

Do you even know how many ways there are to hide?  Well, I’m not sure what the exact number might be, but I think I have tried nearly every one of them.

Hiding shows up in funny, unsuspecting ways, like refusing to wear your hair up or dance or waterski or wear lipstick. It looks like orneriness when your husband wants you to drive his big truck, shyness or boredom at a really fun party, and conceit when someone pays you a compliment that you just can’t receive.

Hiding feels like there is something deep inside your heart, banging on the walls of a secret treasure box you forgot you even buried there, screaming, “YES! Just say Yes! You know you really want to!”

…and for some reason, as much as you want to, you just…can’t…

…even if you’re ready to be found.

For me, it took a retreat–a surprise “push” out the comfort of invisible–and people who supported me in making sure I stayed “seen” until I craved it for myself.

Now that I choose to be seen over being invisible, I’ve taken baby steps to actually participate in my life. There’s a lot more “happy” out here in the open. From my hiding place, I didn’t even know this kind of happiness even existed.

It’s been a gradual process. Being out here in the open can feel mighty scary at times! At first I kept seeking for hiding places, and sometimes finding them.  Some of them were so creative that I could hide for a moment and still pretend I was playing at 100%. Sometimes I even fooled myself.  For someone who was so afraid to step out onto that stage, I am a really great actress. Yet I had changed from the inside. I had unburied and unlocked that treasure chest in my heart–I couldn’t put it back now.

Being “found” began by telling myself a lie–only it was not a lie. Those stories that I had been living already, the ones that kept me hiding for so long, they were the lies.  I allowed myself to replace those stories for new ones, because even if at first the new stories didn’t feel like they could possibly be anything but delusional, I realized the old stories were definitely lies.  Which lies did I want to believe?

I allowed myself to be open to the truth about my old stories–the limiting beliefs, the false paradigms–and I started searching my memories for all the stories that created my life.

What’s amazing now is that once I discover the story, (and I speak now in present tense because this process will continue for the rest of my life) whether it holds any truth or not, if I don’t like it,  I can change it.
From this process, I find myself getting closer to the truth. How do I know? Well, the scriptures tell us that all good things come from God, which is Truth, and nothing good can come from a lie. I believe that this also includes the way I feel.  If I’m feeling good about a new story, then reason tells me it’s more true than the ones that kept me wanting to hide.

Fixing how I feel about myself has been the hardest work I’ve ever done. My stories of self-worth are made up of a lot of really good lies, masterfully told. It is hard for me to believe anything different. Persistent action creates clarity, however. Suddenly it’s becoming clear to me that when I call myself “ugly,” it feels awful–which I now understand as a sign that it’s NOT TRUE! This hurtful belief definitely does NOT come from God. So, then…where does it come from?

My greatest desire is to follow God, not his opposite.

Telling myself that I AM BEAUTIFUL was so scary! It literally hurt my heart at first–growing pains, perhaps. In order to persist, I had to add action–dance and lipstick–to the words to reinforce the “delusion.”  I will never forget the moment that I began to feel that there was truth to my new story. An emotional power surge came from somewhere deep inside, and I am changed forever. The memory is fresh, and it still brings instant tears to my eyes.

So what was it about dancing?

What is dancing?  It seems obvious:

Dance: 1) to move one’s body or feet, or both, rhythmically in pattern of steps, especially to the accompaniment of music;
2) to leap, skip, etc, as from excitement  or emotion
The definition that intrigues me the most, however, is this one:
3) to perform or take part in…

Sounds a lot like living life to me.

I finally am choosing to dance, and I’ll do it confidently–with my hair up–while wearing lipstick.

It’s definitely a work in process–and I’m making progress!

The post Let’s Talk About “Hiding:” and Finding Myself through Dance first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Let’s Talk About “Hiding:” and Finding Myself through Dance appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

The actual commitment was to say them 100 times a day for 100 days.

100 x 100 = 10,000

I’ve been told that it takes 10,000 hours to become a master at something. Using this logic, I thought that by stating my affirmations 10,000 times, maybe I could become a master at believing my I AMs. I had reached a point where my self-disbelief was quite exhausting, so it was worth a shot!
My report: IT WORKED!!

To tell you the truth, I did not do it 100%. I got off to a really great start, and then I started skipping days. Some days I only listened to my recorded self speaking them; some days I only read through the list once or twice–AND it still worked!! I must say, I stand all amazed!

So, how do I know it worked?

I should actually say “it’s working,” because it’s still a work in progress.  I feel like I have been climbing a very steep mountain for a really long time without ever being able to pull myself up to the next stable ledge. Suddenly I now find myself standing with both feet flat on that ledge. It’s a place where I can stop for a breather, look below me at where I have been (not for too long, tho, or I start feeling queezy and like I could fall back down,) and I can look above me at the next climb.

It didn’t all happen at once. At first I had fun with it, made videos to declare my accountability, allowed myself to put energy behind the words…and then I guess deception set in, emotions got all stirred up, old habits fought for their position in my routine. Yet, I kept them in the back of my  mind–always. I created a playlist of “woman power” music that I listened to faithfully every morning after my personal study time. I didn’t notice it at first, but little things started happening. I started feeling urges to do simple yet CRAZY things, like DANCE! and then I started to find just enough courage to ACT on the urges. I found a video on youtube, which led to enrolling in an online dance class called Shine Dance Fitness. I then found myself locking myself in my office and actually mimicking the dances. I committed to 3 songs at first, and I have to say it was painful. I felt so ridiculous, like I had NO BUSINESS even attempting to move my body like that. There’s something about me and commitment, though. I couldn’t turn back. To make it more “fun,” I decided to video my progress with the idea of creating and posting a progress video once I could actually call what I am doing “dancing.” At this point, that may never happen. I still can’t quite call it dancing. However, I am now up to 30 minutes minimum (yesterday I endured the whole hour!) AND I can honestly say I’m having fun!

Sometimes I even catch myself smiling!

There’s MORE!

The next thing I noticed happening still blows my mind. It started with a conversation about lipstick–how I feel ridiculous wearing it and somehow I feel a pull to wear it anyway–and a challenge to go buy 4 bold colors and wear it at least one hour a day. Well, these days there aren’t many challenges that I turn down because I know how it feels on the other side. This same conversation also included discussion on womanhood, femininity, beauty, and how I have felt disconnected from all of it for probably my whole life. I admitted that with all of my power statements, I was never able to use the words “I Am” and “beautiful” in the same sentence…

What happened is a little embarrassing to admit–and I also think it’s the most important part of what I am trying to say:

Just a few short hours after this conversation, I was scrolling through photos on my phone and it was like I had been handed a new pair of rose colored glasses–so many of the photos that I have cringed at several times transformed before my eyes, and I. Could see. Beauty. In ME! I felt my whole self-perception shift–literally–and suddenly I was filled with a confidence I have never felt before. And it hasn’t gone away!!! I’ve had shaky days and less confident half-hours, but I have both feet planted on a solid higher ground. The view is amazing from where I stand, I refuse to fall backward.

The post Power Statement follow up: I AM THAT! first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

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V-Value
O-Openness
I-Intention to Act
C-Clearing
E-Expression

While the steps don’t necessarily need to occur in order (I began with Openness, for example, immediately followed by Intention to Act,) I do believe that VALUE is the foundation of a successful transformation. It is divided into two essential parts: Core Values and the Value of YOU.

It is on the Value of YOU that I want to focus now.

Introducing TEMPERAMENT:
Some would argue that temperament is the same as “personality,” and in a way it is. As I have come to understand it, temperament is the essence of individuality and the origin of personality. From birth, motivation for the way human beings process and respond to their environment stems their own individual temperament. The combination of these two main factors shows up as personality.
I always like to look to the dictionary to gain a better understanding of words:

• temperament (tem-per-uh-muh nt, -pruh-muh nt, -per-muh nt) noun: the combination of mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person; natural predisposition

In my opinion, the key phrase of the above definition is “natural predisposition.” So to investigate the meaning further:

• natural (nach-er-yuh l, nach-ruh l) adjective: being such by nature; born such
• disposition (dis-puh-zish-uh n) noun: 1. the predominant or prevailing tendency of one’s spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood    2. bestowal, as by gift
• pre- a prefix meanng “before,” “prior to,” “in advance of,” “before”

To me, that means that temperament is the combination of predominant mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person that are bestowed upon him/her before he/she is even born. It is a spiritual characteristic, a gift from God, an unchangeable part of our eternal essence.

I was first introduced to the idea of temperament by Dr. Denim Slade, a clinical psychologist who has been practicing therapy for nearly 20 years. What he told me fascinated me so much, and as I learned more about what it really meant, my mind was opened and my world began to change dramatically. Suddenly I had a deeper understanding of who I am, and as a result I am able to see the tendencies that I have “hated” about myself in a new way–I now see them as strengths, as beautiful gifts that are an integral part of my uniqueness.

In Dr. Slade’s words, “There are many, many aspects of behavior and cognitions that are malleable. Effort can be made and interactions and systems can be changed. However, there are certain parts of each of us that remain unaltered by even the best efforts. In children, this unchangeable part of us is generally referred to as temperament. In adulthood, personality is typically the label applied. This unchanging essence within each of us is most consistently seen in why we do what we do. It is the underlying engine that drives and motivates us to do the things we do.”

Similar to some of the popular personality theories, Dr Slade has found that four very clear and consistent groups of temperament types exist. The Slade Theory (as I am currently calling it) shares similarities with other personality theories. Some of the main differences are that in this theory:

1. Temperament is constant–it does not change.
2. The time in which a person “lives”–past, present, or future–is a significant indicator of temperament type.
3. When a person is behaving consistent with his or her natural temperament, he/she is more apt to be emotionally healthy and happy.
4.  It is also empowering to know that no temperament type is “better than” another. All are gifts, all are beautiful, and all attribute to both strengths and weaknesses.

Understanding these key points are what have allowed me to appreciate who I am and recognize my unique gifts. It has also given me a greater ability to make healthier choices in thoughts and behaviors, and my life has truly been changed for the better.

When he gives me the go ahead, I will be sharing some of the fascinating details of Dr. Slade’s Temperament Theory here. Until then, I will share the key descriptive factors of each type:

• Type 1:

  • Motivated by Positive Emotion & Fun
  • Lives in the NOW

• Type 2:

  • Motivated by Comfort & Connection
  • Lives in the PAST

• Type 3:

  • Motivated by Getting Things Done
  • Lives in the FUTURE

• Type 4:

  • Motivated by Perfecting/Improving Things
  • Lives in the PAST

The dynamics of this theory run deep. The best way for me to explain the power of understanding temperament as a means to discover self VALUE  will be to share my story. It is detailed and long, so I will divide it among the next few blog posts. Stay tuned!

The post Discovering the VALUE of YOU: The Foundation of V.O.I.C.E. first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Discovering the VALUE of YOU: The Foundation of V.O.I.C.E. appeared first on Cary MacArthur.