Sometimes we don’t realize how quietly our own voice fades until life hands us a mirror. For me, that mirror came in the form of a surprising retreat—and a conversation with my daughter that changed everything.

The Turning Point: A Retreat in Belize

At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom with five kids, living the life I had always known. I had so much to be grateful for—yet I felt stuck and a little lost in my own story. I felt like I had something to say but didn’t know how to say it—or who would even listen. My relationships, especially with my kids, felt more distant than I ever intended.

For our 20th anniversary, my husband asked permission for me to attend a business retreat with him. on a beautiful island in Belize. But there was one catch: In order to attend, I had to participate in the program. I agreed–because–island in Belize…!!! I assumed I would be able to hide behind my husband at the event, but I would soon discover that I would actually step out of my comfort zone in ways I never had before.

At first, I pretended to participate—going through the motions, staying safe. Until the moment I was “forced” to step on stage and use my voice to perform a solo skit in front of everyone!. I truly thought I might die from the exposure. I now jokingly–but accurately–call it a “snot bubble” moment.  I wanted to disappear– or swim off the island.

I don’t remember what I said or how I did it—but I remember exactly how I felt when it was over.

The world seemed brighter. I could breathe, really breathe—maybe for the first time in my life. And I knew right then: I wanted to feel that free every day for the rest of my life.

A Daughter’s Words: The Catalyst for Deeper Change

I came home with a renewed sense of self. But that doesn’t mean everything was suddenly perfect. In fact, the very challenges I was facing before I left were still there—waiting for me when I returned.

One of the most painful truths was realizing how my children had been watching me closely. Each of them, in their own way, reflected back to me that they had learned to struggle with self-worth by watching me. The most piercing moment came when my daughter said, “I learned to hate myself by watching you.”

It was a heartbreaking realization—that the messages we think we’re hiding are often the ones most clearly seen by those we love.

That moment sparked a deeper commitment in me. I made a vow to do something every day that scared me. I was done letting fear define me. I was the only one in my way. And it was time to step out—fully.

From Transformation to Sharing the Journey

I didn’t just want change—I committed to it. And I knew I couldn’t do it alone. So I found a coach who could hold up a mirror to my blind spots and support me when I wanted to retreat. That support made all the difference. I began facing fears, naming my desires, and reconnecting with parts of myself I had long silenced.

Over time, I created what became the VOICE program—a path born from my own healing journey. I felt deeply called to help other women reconnect to their virtue, their passion, and their purpose.

And then—something shifted in a way I hadn’t expected. I had a spiritual impression, a download so clear it stopped me in my tracks:
“You need to speak for the silent sufferer.”
That one sentence became a mission. It reminded me of the woman I once was—capable, busy, loving, yet quietly unraveling inside. And I knew I had to use my voice to reach her.

That calling, and the ongoing transformation it sparked, led me first to coaching, then to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and now to pursue a PhD in Family Therapy. Each step has been guided, not just by professional goals, but by something deeper—by a promise I made to myself on that retreat stage in Belize.

A Decade Later: A Story That Still Speaks

That promise—and the path it opened—eventually led to an invitation to share my story in the book A Journey of Riches. And now, ten years later, that same story has become part of a documentary. It’s surreal to see that moment captured on film—a reminder of how far we can come when we choose to step into our own light.

Invitation to the Reader

I invite you to reflect on your own journey. Maybe you’ve hidden parts of your voice without realizing it. Maybe you’re just beginning to search for it. Wherever you are, please know—it is never too late to rewrite your story.

I hope you’ll watch the documentary, join me in this conversation, and take those brave steps toward discovering your voice.

You can watch the full documentary here: The Gift in Adversity

The post The Gift In Adversity first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post The Gift In Adversity appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Here are 5 common experiences that may have stolen your voice—and how you can start to find it again:

1. Being Taught That Your Needs Don’t Matter

Whether through family, culture, or relationships, many of us learned early on that speaking up for our needs was wrong, selfish, or inconvenient. Over time, you may have stopped asking, stopped expressing, and started believing that silence was safer.

Reclaim It:

Start by noticing your needs again—without judgment. Begin small. Name what you need to yourself, even if you’re not ready to say it out loud yet.

2. Criticism or Rejection When You Did Speak Up

Maybe you tried to share your feelings, and they were dismissed or mocked. Maybe your ideas or opinions were shot down, leaving you embarrassed or afraid to try again.

Reclaim It:

Your truth is still valid. Write it out. Speak it in a safe space. Practice giving yourself the validation you didn’t receive before.

3. Trauma or Betrayal That Left You Numb or Disconnected

When you’ve been hurt deeply, especially by people you trusted, it’s natural to shut down. Protecting yourself becomes the priority, and often that means staying quiet.

Reclaim It:

Gentle connection—to yourself, to safe people, to your body—can help you begin to feel again. Let your voice emerge at your pace, with compassion.

4. Constantly Pleasing Others at the Expense of Yourself

If you’ve spent years trying to keep the peace, avoiding conflict, or taking care of everyone else, your voice can feel lost in the noise of everyone else’s expectations.

Reclaim It:

Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Let your desires matter. Give yourself permission to disappoint others if it means being true to you.

5. Internalizing the Belief That You’re Not Enough

Over time, negative self-talk and comparison can shrink your sense of worth. You stop speaking up because you believe you have nothing valuable to say.

Reclaim It:

Your voice doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours. Speak kindly to yourself. Choose one small truth to stand on today and let it grow.

Your Voice Still Lives Inside You.

It’s never truly gone. Maybe it’s been quiet, but it’s still there, waiting. And as you reconnect with your value, your voice will begin to rise—not in a shout, but in a steady, honest strength that no one can take away.

The post 5 Experiences That Steal Your Voice…and How You Can Reclaim It first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post 5 Experiences That Steal Your Voice…and How You Can Reclaim It appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Hey how’s everyone doing?

I think we can all agree that its an understatement and almost cliché to say that 2020 HAS BEEN A WILD RIDE! I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t been impacted at least in some way—and to some the effects have been devastating. My heart goes out to all of you. I wish I could give everyone a warm hug. 

I personally have been able to find many blessings within the challenges, and while I can’t deny that I really miss being able to travel the globe and gather with all the people I have come to love, I am extremely grateful. The uncertainty of COVID brought my family home. Our kids who were once spread from Kenya to Boston to Vegas all came home for several months (our daughter Arielle stayed in LA where she could continue to safely receive dialysis.) My husband and I went from having one kid left at home to having 15 people (and 3 dogs) living under the same roof! 🤪  We welcomed a new granddaughter.

Dave and I were able to slow down and actually get reacquainted after what seemed like non-stop traveling (often in opposite directions) for several years. I was able to slow down and hear what my body was trying to tell me and let it heal from a back injury and some uncomfortable side effects of menopause…

And last but not least of what’s been going on with me on 2020, I finished my course work and began my clinical internship for my master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy! 

Needless to say, I decided to take a little blog break. I’m now ready to jump back in!

And as a kick off, I thought it might be fun to feature a guest blogger. 

Today’s post comes from Soul Clap Fitness.  I was happy to feature them because of our mutual love of fitness and its many benefits. I know nutrition and exercise are the catalyst behind much that is good in my life!! 

Soul Clap Fitness

The mental health benefits of exercise 

There are many potential benefits of exercise. However, it’s easy to focus only on how exercise can benefit the body – for example, by helping to increase muscle size, boost aerobic capacity and lose weight. For many people, it’s actually the psychological effects of exercise that most motivate them to stay active. 

Exercise contributes greatly to our mental wellbeing. It can help us to feel more positive, relaxed and resilient about ourselves and our lives. You don’t need to be a fitness fanatic to enjoy a lot of those benefits, either – so let’s take a look at some of them. 

Decreased stress 

Exercise is proven to help reduce mental stress. Whether you go on short walks, hit the gym regularly or take on something more unusual like a cardio dance class, it releases chemicals that enable your brain to better moderate stress. 

Increased happiness 

Speaking of chemicals, working out releases the “feel-good” chemicals known as endorphins. The nervous system produces these chemicals naturally to help the body cope with pain or stress. The feelings of euphoria experienced after lengthy and vigorous exercise are often called the “runner’s high”, and occur due to an increase in endorphin levels. 

Greater willpower 

Many of us are used to thinking about willpower as a purely psychological rather than physical trait, or as something that a person does or doesn’t have. But it’s actually a complex mind-body response that we can influence. Regular, physical exercise helps to boost willpower by making both the brain and body more resilient to stress. 

Better sleep 

Physical exercise is something that your body needs to recover from. This will cause your brain to make you tired earlier, so that you experience sounder sleep. Working out also increases your body temperature, which can have a calming influence on the mind, and make it likelier that you drift off to sleep at night.

Heightened self-esteem and self-confidence 

You might not start exercising in the first place so that you can drop a dress size or increase your endurance when climbing a hill. These might merely be nice ‘side effects’ – but they’re side effects that can help you feel better about yourself. After all, who doesn’t want to look in the mirror and notice a slimmer and more chiseled physique? 

Alleviated anxiety 

Engaging in fitness activities helps relieve your anxiety in a number of ways. It diverts your mind from whatever you’re anxious about, while the release of endorphins further banishes anxious feelings. And as John J. Ratey MD of Harvard Medical School has observed, exercise alters your brain chemistry, making available important anti-anxiety neurochemicals such as serotonin and endocannabinoids. 

Whether or not you begin exercising regularly to improve your mental health, you may find it’s one of the benefits that most encourages you to keep going. Even moderate physical activity can bring advantages like the above, so you can experience them even if you only set modest exercise goals at first. 

If you’ve started a new exercise routine lately, what changes to your own mental health have you noticed?

The post Soul Clap Fitness first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Soul Clap Fitness appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

When life seems uncertain, the human mind has a tendency to wander. If we are not careful,  we end up wondering and worrying about things that we have no control over.  Too much time in the unknown can lead to fear and anxiety, and neither one of those feels very good. 

We have to train our brains to stay focused on things we can control–like how we feel.

One of my favorite “mind hacks” that I have learned over the years help keep my mind at home is “Decide how I want to feel and look for reasons to feel that way.”

I would like to share with you how this mind hack came to be. 

My husband and I went to Grand Cayman for our anniversary.  I was sitting on the beach while he played in the water. Instead of enjoying the warm sun, I was feeling super uncomfortable about being in my swimsuit in public. I wanted to enjoy this time with my husband, but I was too concerned about how people would view me, about how silly or stupid I would look playing in the water next to Dave, who is a natural born fish and just good at everything. Needless to say, I was lacking confidence in myself, and I had no idea how to change that.

I had a little panic attack.  

I reached out to my mentor/coach and asked, “I need you to tell me how it feels to be confident. If I only knew what if feels like, I can make myself feel it!”  

I didn’t like his answer–”I can’t give you confidence.” But then he said, “Try this. Look up and tell me what you see.” 

“I see the sun. It’s so beautiful the way it shines down on the water.”

“OK. What does the sun feel like.”

“It feels amazing on my skin. SO warm! It’s one of my favorite feelings!”

“Now, how do you feel?”

“I feel good! I don’t feel anxious anymore.”

Then he said “Happiness is now. Confidence is now. Get up and go play in the water with your husband.”

So I did–and as long as I stayed present, I had a good time, and my mind was very aware of the difference.

Later that day, the words from Hebrews 11:1 came to my mind–only not quite accurately.  According to my memory, the scripture said, “ faith is the essence of things hoped for and not seen.”  But something prompted me to look it up. The scripture actually says “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” My mind opened up to a whole new perspective!!  Essence is abstract, but substance is something tangible that I can grab onto.  Faith brings my hopes into tangible substance! So, instead of wondering what confidence is supposed to feel like or what happiness is supposed to feel like, I can imagine what I hope it will feel like and make it happen!!

Suddenly my coach’s words “Happiness is now” made so much sense! I had experienced it on that beach. To me, Happiness feels like sunshine, and as long as I focused on the sunshine, I felt happy. I hoped I could feel confident enough to play in the ocean with Dave. So to me, the act of playing is what I hoped confidence would feel like, AND when I was playing, I felt bursts of confidence. 

From that day on, I learned I could figure out HOW I want to feel in any given moment and then grab a hold of something that gives me the feeling I am looking for.   I just have to choose the way I want to feel and allow myself to feel that way by finding and focusing on the feeling.  To help me remember, I created this mantra and I repeat it to myself often: 

“Decide how you want to feel, and look for reasons to feel that way– and if you can’t find them, make them!!“

I have since become really good at choosing the way I want to feel and allowing myself to feel that way and getting the results that I want in my life–at least much more often than before.

Everything we want is attached to a feeling.  

Whether it’s more confidence, a new home, more friends, ice cream…there is a feeling behind everything that we want to have, do, and be.  Being aware of the feeling behind the things that you HOPE FOR can be a powerful tool to help you turn those things to substance.

1. Notice how you are feeling right now.
2. Label the feeling. Give it a name.
3. If you are feeling differently than the way you want to feel: a. Ask yourself why? b. What thoughts and behaviors are creating that feeling? 
4. Decide how you want to feel!
5. Look around you for reasons to feel that way. a. Notice the world around you! b. Use your 5 Senses to help you: feel the sun on your skin, listen to the birds sing, uplifting music, an empowering podcast, look at something beautiful c. Express detailed gratitude for what you see. “I am grateful for _____ because _____.” d. Move your body: get your heart-rate up, boost the feel-good chemicals in your brain, reinforce the desired feeling with your behavior
6. If you can’t seem to find a reason to feel the way you want to feel, you can create a reason! a. Remember a time in the past when you felt that feeling and journal about it. b. Think of someone you know who has or seems to have the “substance” you hope for, and model them. ACT as if..

The post Mindset Hacks first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Mindset Hacks appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Value is an important and foundational step in Finding Your VOICE. It entails becoming aware of the unique characteristics that you bring to society and then learning to accept and honor the Value of who you are from inside out.

I was raised to believe that every human being is a Child of God, so on a spiritual level, at least, I believed that I had Value. At the same time, It was so hard for me to believe that the physical version of me had any worth–until I learned how to really see what I uniquely bring to this world (at least my little corner of it) and to create proof for myself that it’s true!

I know I am not the only one who has ever felt this way.

One of my favorite things to do is to help people find the Value in who they are. In doing so, I have noticed that I am not the only one who sometimes struggles to believe it. I also have noticed that simply talking and thinking about our worth in abstract doesn’t necessarily help build belief that it’s really there. We have actively discover our Value and create tangible proof for ourselves that it really exists! 

So, what is Value? 

Value is understanding who you are and valuing that. It’s made up of five components:

• Self-concept: My perceptions of others’ perceptions of me.
• Identity: Do I feel like I matter? 
• CORE™ traits: What do I uniquely contribute to society?
• Innate Value: I Am
• Core Values: What do I value?

Over the next few weeks, my emails will be centered around these five components of Value as I understand them. It’s one of my favorite subjects to talk about, and I’m excited to share them with you.

This week we will focus on Self-Concept.

Self-concept can be defined as How do I think about, evaluate, or perceive myself?  It answers the question: Who Am I? And often we attempt to answer this question based on the roles we play and our beliefs about how these roles should be performed. To take it further, we tend to evaluate our performance based on how we think others think we are doing.

“I am not who I think I am; I am not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think that I am.”

I call this “outside in,” and it doesn’t always feel good. Finding your Value means learning to come from the “inside out.”  Getting to that point is an ongoing process, and a beautiful journey. 

To begin that journey, it is helpful to create awareness of how your view yourself in relation to the roles you play.

Challenge: Start a Value journal. 

As we talk about Value, I will invite you to create a Value Journal to go along with it. 

You can create each page individually and store them in a binder or find an empty notebook to create pages in.
For page 1: 

1. Find a picture of yourself and glue it to the center of the page.
2. Make a list of the roles you play. 
3. Write your roles and definitions around your photo.
4. On a scale of 1-10, rate how important each role is to you, and write your definition of what that role should look like. 
5. Rate yourself on how you measure up to the expectations of each role.
6. Journal about what you notice.
7. Decorate the page any way you wish.
8. Join the private Find Your VOICE facebook group.
9. Share your page with the rest of the group. (Optional but recommended)

The post Value In Action first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Value In Action appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

They have their trials for sure. For instance, their weather. They often have major typhoons that come and wipe out and destroy their whole island, leaving them with nothing, so they live in poverty. In my opinion, compared to my life, it seems like in the Philippines would be a very hard life.  

Joseph went on to tell me how happy and loving everyone is all the time and how amazing their servant hearts are. He told me that if you were to bring a gift to these people, even though they are very poor and it would be a hardship for them, they would go out of their way to kill a chicken or pig and cook up a beautiful meal for you. He said that it doesn’t matter what is 

going on in their lives, even after enduring these major storms, everyone still smiles. Everyone is just happy because happiness is free! 

Joseph’s parents taught him to always smile because a smile is free, happiness is free. A lot of times we work so hard, thinking that once we have enough money, then we will be able to buy and do the things that will bring us joy. He said of all the blessings in life, happiness is the one we strive for, and yet we don’t need to strive for it at all– it’s freely available! We just need to decide to be happy and smile. 

I agree with my new friend, Joseph. I know that when I smile, I feel like I am on top of the world! I hope that you all can wear a smile today and choose to be happy! 

Smiles are free, after all. 

I challenge you to find something to smile and/or laugh about every single day! And I would love to see what makes you smile, if you post about it on social media, tag me @carymac and use the hashtag #happinessisfreechallenge.

The post Smile! It’s Free first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Smile! It’s Free appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

While these tangible outcomes are great, today I want to reflect on the things that we can’t buy or put a price tag on. The things in life that many of us seem to take for granted most often are the best things in life. 

My heart is full of gratitude for my family and friends. They are so amazing, and I am very blessed to have them in my life. Also my health, my talents, my ambitions, my desires, my faith, my mind, and my body are all things that I can not buy with money but that I and so many of us sometimes take for granted or even wish them away. We have all been blessed with so many things that money can’t buy. We can never repay what we’ve been given. However, we can have gratitude! The miracle of gratitude is that the more sincerely grateful we are, the more blessings we receive. It’s an amazing realization and my heart is full.

I challenge you to reflect on what you are grateful for everyday, and as you do so, think about why are you grateful for those things. Write them down to etch them even deeper into your heart. Actively practice an attitude of gratitude every day, and watch the miracles happen. If you try the challenge, let me know how it goes for you!

The post Miracle of Gratitude first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Miracle of Gratitude appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I never professed to be a ballerina or a dancer 💃🏽 for that matter.

SHiNE Dance Fitness has taught me that I CAN dance, and all I have to BE is ME!

Every day is a great day to
Move my Body,
Shake my Bootie, &
SHiNE™️ like a BOSS!

The life I live
has everything to do
with the choices I make.

Who I spend time with;
What I put into my body;
What I read, listen to, talk about;
What I think about;
What I focus on.

My choice to marry this guy
and our choice to immerse ourself in a culture of physical, spiritual, mental, and financial wellness has everything to do with the life I love to live today.

The post MY MINDSET RESET first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post MY MINDSET RESET appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Just this morning, I was thinking back to the beginning of my decision to change– remembering how many times I felt tired–downright exhausted–and hopeless, almost. Maybe hopeless isn’t the right word because there was something that kept me going… so what was it?

Where did my hope come from? What was I holding on to? –because there were many times along the way that I really felt like it would be easier to just quit, go back to where I was, and hide there. At the same time, I knew I could not go back. So what was it that kept me going? 

1. I had support. I found people in my life who were there for me, who understood change, who saw me for who I really am and not just who I was acting like I was. People who were willing to be there for me, to listen to me, and sometimes just talk to me about seemingly insignificant things. These people gave me encouragement and reminded me often that I could do it and that what I wanted was possible. Some of them were equipped to give me the tools I needed to move past what I was feeling and actually make the change I was wanting,
2. I had results–big and small–and I clinged to them. I allowed myself to do hard things. I took small steps outside my comfort zone, and on the other side of that hard, I found amazing bursts of life-breath–excitement, accomplishment, fun, and so many other feelings I was looking for. Even today, remembering those moments with intention when the next step feels too hard really gives me something to fasten my ropes to so I can continue to climb.
3. I had enduring faith in God. Even at times when it was really hard and I could have told myself that my faith was waning, I remembered to turn to scripture and prayer and to seek for evidence that the things that I was wanting to attain were attainable. I looked for confirmation that what I was wanting was the right thing for me. In seeking and praying with that intention, I was able to discover new hidden meanings or hidden treasures in scriptures that I had read many times. The meanings suddenly became less general and more applicable to me and my life. I guess not suddenly because I was diligent in searching, and as I searched, the meaning deepened and I was able to find the hope and the proof that it was right for me to keep going.
4.  I had (and still have) reinforcement–books and podcasts and youtube videos of people who are living the life or experiencing the results that I want to have in my life. Making time to read or listen to the inspiring words of people who have walked the path of change remind me of the possibility and teach me the steps that it takes to create the life that I wanted. 

I am immensely and eternally grateful for all of these tools–especially the people–and as a way to give back, I have dedicated my life to being that kind of person for other people. Deep down, I know that this is the reason for which I was born. 

I remember what it feels like to be where I was, feeling like what I wanted was impossible, feeling like I wasn’t good enough or worthy to have the things that I wanted, but because of the people who stuck by me–and still are there for me–I now KNOW that it is possible, and I want everyone to be able to experience it. I feel like this is what God wants me to do, and I strive every day to be that person who offers an inkling of hope, compassion, and companionship. I desire every day to be the example or the VOICE that lets people know that you are not alone. I’ve been where you are. Sometimes my mind still tries to take me back there, but I can’t go back. I have experienced the feeling on the other side where life is fun and joyful and filled with possibilities. I want to be able to offer the kind of hope and be the “hand up” that helps others believe that you can do what it takes to experience the love, peace, and happiness that life has in store for them.

The post I Want to Be THAT Person first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post I Want to Be THAT Person appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Since then, I have “grown” a lot—and I actually decided that I don’t love the word “growth” as a way to describe the process. To me, a better description would be ”Emerging” or maybe even ”Metamorphosis.” I say that because I feel like I am still the same me that I have always been me. I—it the spirit it essence of me—was just trapped inside this shell of a body that I didn’t know how to partner with or even get along with. So in many ways, my process had been one of teaching my body and my spirit to get a long. It’s been a process of getting rid of the idea that my body is a shell that was keeping me trapped and replacing it with the understanding that my body is actually a tool to facilitate me being able to BE ME! 

So now my concept of growth is different, because I know that I am emerging from the mindset that has kept me feeling trapped, and that is allowing ME to spread my wings and let my true spirit soar!

And to be honest, I don’t think there is ever going to be an end, at least not in this earthly life—AND That excites me! 

When I look back at my life even from just a few years ago, it puts me in awe.  Back then, there were so many things I do so naturally now that I would have never done. My identity truly believed that there were certain things I would never be able to do—just because “I knew myself and that’s not who I am.”  I felt so trapped and stuck, but I thought it was normal and safe. I was afraid to be me, afraid to let people know who I was or what was going on inside of me. I wasn’t even able to let anyone know the things that would excite me or make me happy or the things that I was good at!  It sounds crazy, but it was very real!

Now that I know it’s been a few years, and I feel completely different than I did back them, I feel more like me than I ever have in my entire life.  

It’s interesting to me that it’s possible to feel more like me when who I am being feels so different than I who I have been for most of  my life. It confront confirms to me that I have actually been here all along. And so have you!!   THIS -this allowing, this emerging is what  “growth” is. 

Growth is a never ending ending process. I certainly still have challenges.  I still have days when I am triggered by the same things that used to trigger me in the past, I still have days when I can be ornery, bratty, or sad,  Some days I’d rather just stay in bed all day. And that’s because life happens and sometimes life is hard. That doesn’t change. Life hasn’t changed as far as what goes on around me.  I am still human.  

On hard days, it helps me to remember the process. The symbolism of the butterfly helps me.  I compare where I was then to being in my cocoon. It took time, effort, and tears, but I eventually was able to climb out of my cocoon.  It felt really different than being a cozy caterpillar 🐛 and it was definitely awkward to open my wings and learn how to use them, but the idea of actually flying kept me trying. I had to strengthen my wings before I could actually experience how it felt to fly, and now that I have done it, I am ok with this new version of who I am. It no longer feels awkward. In fact, I love who I am—most of the time, when I listen to the human nature part of me. I’m no longer afraid to show up as ME!  I’m ok with making mistakes and failing at things. Of course, I still experience the emotions of feeling mad, sad, or embarrassed, but I now know that it is normal to feel that way. I have learned how to feel those emotions and then, when I’m ready, I move on without dwelling on them.  Let me tell you how I got there…

1. I hired a therapist/coach: Having someone who understands the process and can support your growth without judgment is, in my opinion, ESSENTIAL to true personal development.
2. I set an alarm on my phone to ring at random times— probably 4 times a day—to remind me to stop and notice:
3. “How am I feeling right now?” When it rings, I stop and pay attention to how I am feeling, and not just how I THINK I am feeling.  I also notice my body. Is it tight? Is it stressed? Are my shoulders raised? Am I relaxed and happy? Once I have acknowledged my feelings (with no judgment, by the way),
4. I ask, “What am I thinking?”  and I pay attention to what I am REALLY thinking, not just what I think I am thinking—not what I have on my to do list or anything else spinning around in my brain.  What am I thinking below the surface?
5. Finally, I ask myself “Why?” What happened to make me think that? 
6. I write it all down. This helps me to notice the pattern, and I become very aware of how my thoughts and feelings coincide.  My thoughts create my feelings, my feelings create my actions- the way I act in life, the way I show up in life , the way I feel about my life. 

 This process has been a huge game changer for me.  It seems too simple, and yet it is SO POWERFUL 

It’s interesting, but as I share this process with people who ask me how I have experienced so much “growth,” very few will actually do it. I also realize the this, too, is human nature. I would encourage to do it—and commit to it for 30 days. If you are willing, I promise you—it will change your life. 

I know because it has really been the catalyst for my own emerging. Among other things, it brings awareness, and Awareness is the first key to change.

The post My Thoughts on Growth first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post My Thoughts on Growth appeared first on Cary MacArthur.