Let me tell you why:

First of all, human beings are wired to seek comfort, which is also known as equilibrium or homeostasis. Let me repeat that we are wired that way. When we enter this life as babies, we have zero understanding of life. Our frontal lobe hasn’t been developed yet, (which is our thinking center) and we are basically run by our emotions. When we feel uncomfortable– we are hungry, need to be changed, hurt, scared, whatever–we cry. We allow our emotions to tell us that the discomfort isn’t safe. We cry so that we can resolve that discomfort and we learn to trust that somebody will come take care of us.

Seeking comfort is normal and necessary to our survival when we’re babies.  The thing is, as we get older, if we really want to expand and enjoy life; if we really want to develop into who we are meant to be, it’s important that we learn to NOT resolve our thoughts and our feelings so quickly, but rather to allow ourselves to be uncomfortable. Through discomfort, we learn more about what is possible in life and about what we are capable of. Enduring that temporary anxiousness of discomfort expands our ability to see beyond the limited beliefs that we naturally develop throughout our lifespan.

So if wanting to feel comfort is a part of human wiring, how do we move past the comfort zone? and how do we know if whether or not resolving my discomfort is a good thing or whether it’s holding me back?

Dr. Denim L. Slade shared the Cognitive Cycle with me.  Simply put, the “Cognitive Cycle” is a cycle of thoughts and feelings that happen inside of myself when I experience an event. That event then triggers a feeling or emotion. If the feeling is negative or uncomfortable, I do something in order to resolve that emotion or to escape the uncomfortable feeling. The behavior causes new thoughts and feelings, and it goes around and around and around.

• I set an intention to become very aware of the thoughts and feelings I have throughout the day, as well as of what I do to resolve them.
• I notice my cycle of thinking, feeling, and behaving, followed by numbing to escape the feeling that comes from that behavior.
• Once I have noticed the cycle, I can choose to change the pattern by pausing and then asking myself,  “How is that going to make me feel?” 
• If the answer is something negative that will cause me to stay in this cycle, then I choose to stay in the feeling a little longer and ask “What can I do instead?” 
• I consider the options: I could go for a walk. I could turn on music and dance. I could go have a conversation with a friend. I could write all the positive things about myself.
• I remember that a new behavior might be uncomfortable for a time. For me, dancing was horribly uncomfortable! It also totally got me out of a thought cycle that was pulling me down and changed the way I feel.

And that’s how it works. It’s really beneficial. It takes time and effort, AND it’s worth it. I promise!

The post Our Thoughts and Feelings are Traitors first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Our Thoughts and Feelings are Traitors appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

It kind of floored me, actually. I went to bed feeling GREAT! However, in a strange sort of way, I am almost grateful for the my less-than-favorable attitude because it helped me to dig deep and figure out where I was out of alignment.

What I know is that Thoughts + Feelings + Actions = Attitude,

and being aware of these three elements is the first step

to being the best version of myself.

And since I definitely wasn’t the best version of myself this morning, I knew I needed to take that first step.

What were my thoughts this morning?

1. Thoughts of inadequacy about my new workout class.
2. Thoughts of stress and dread about having volunteered to do a demo of how to make eclairs at a church activity
   1. I am not a cook.
   2. I don’t have any idea how to do a cooking demo.
   3. I didn’t leave much time to prepare samples of the finished product.
3. “Why do I even try?” when I arrived at the gym just in time to receive a text from my son saying he needed me to come to the school ASAP…

…which is when the attitude problem came to full expression…

What feelings did my thoughts lead me to have?

1. Frustration at having arranged my workout so that it didn’t conflict with anyone’s schedule, only to run into a conflict…
2. Build up of the anxiety about the class with no release…turned to a form of self-pity, for lack of better word.
3. Regret for having volunteered to do the cooking demo and anxiety about the lack of time I had to prepare the samples.

And I was headed on a downward negative spiral.

What could I do about it??? (Thankfully, I have been collecting some power tools along my journey to help in situations just like this one.)

1. Pray! and breathe…
2. Call the bakery and ask if they could make 40 cream puffs by 4:00. (THEY COULD!!!)
3. Talk to someone who knows who to lift me up.
4. Take a power nap–25 minutes does wonders!
5. Journaling always helps bring clarity to what I am thinking and feeling so I can take control and switch it.
6. Gratitude! Writing in my gratitude journal always helps me remember how great my life is, and then I am able to FEEL THAT!
7. Get into action–Forget myself and GO TO WORK!

And you know what? It really helped! 

Awareness is an essential part of living Life By Design.
Taking time to notice these three elements of my attitude helped me find where I was “off,” to readjust, and get back to ME! And I am SO GRATEFUL!
We are all in total control of WHO we are BEING, and who we are being is reflected by our Attitude, which is made up of our Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions. These three elements work together to bring us to awareness of the power that we have within us.

I am responsible for my attitude. When I realize that sometimes I’m going to fall, I can remind myself that I can choose to stay down or I can choose to get back up.

 I write my own story. I am the creator of my life!

The post Thoughts + Feelings + Actions = Attitude first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Thoughts + Feelings + Actions = Attitude appeared first on Cary MacArthur.