It is really hard for me to back out of a commitment–like emotionally draining–I knew I needed to cancel my next trip–even though I was expected to leave later that same day.

My next immediate thought? I need a massage!! Self care to the rescue!As I lay on the massage table, I marveled about how quickly my personal reservoirs had been drained to the point of “suck’n mud.” Just 2 weeks prior, my relationship reservoir was filled to overflowing by visiting my kids and grandkids in Africa. My sense of adventure, which is an emotional filler for me, also had me on Cloud 9, and by just being away from “all the things” for a few days, I was able to cut the residual strings and just be.

My husband asked me to join him for a whirlwind business trip to Puerto Rico to Florida to New Jersey and New York City less than a week after we got home. With my temperament, the need for predictability is a thing. I work better when I have a little bit of predictability in the things I’m doing; I don’t have to plan rigorously with all the details, but just enough so I can plan a little bit at a time and arrange my life around it.

So, while I LOVE to travel, I also have school and my VOICE program (and my soon-to-be-released online course) and I also work really closely with one of my mentors, Dr. Slade, to help create his online Healthy and Happy courses (which are amazing! Check them out!)  I have so many things that I am super excited about!

So anyway… Dave invited me last minute to go on this business trip, so I made a quick decision to go–and I’m so glad I went—but I hadn’t planned on it. I hadn’t figured out how to get homework and all the other things done. I thought that I would be able sneak it all in somehow between meetings and travel, but it didn’t work.

On top of that, I wasn’t really able to exercise, which is another reservoir that is important for my overall ability to feel good. I did do a lot of stretching, and I found a way to SHiNE™ once — for all of 3 songs. I didn’t get a lot of sleep – which I’m usually fine with (I would rather not have to sleep–too bad I’m human)… needless to say, with all of these things adding up, it took a toll on me, and I was exhausted. 

So why am I telling you all this? 

It isn’t to make you feel sorry for me–this is not an invitation to my pity party 😉  It’s just a really great example of how important it is to keep ourselves filled and balanced. And it isn’t that we aren’t going to be perfectly balanced all the time.  There are going to be things in life that drain us–sometimes even the fun things. I loved everything I got to do. There were a lot of reasons why I felt it was important for me to go on this trip, but there comes a time in all our lives when we need to just stop and notice what our bodies are trying to tell us.  

I didn’t used to notice. I didn’t used to believe that it was okay to take a day or maybe a week and just really focus on filling myself back up. 

There was a time that I would’ve just pushed through it and not cancelled that third trip. I would’ve gone regardless of how I was feeling. It was still hard for me to do this time because, 1) I hate letting people down, and 2) I hate changing my plans last minute. I really don’t like changing my plans last minute-especially when it involves other people. But I sat down and just assessed: 

“Okay. How am I feeling?” –super tired, weepy, and so close to snapping; on the verge of a cold or something– It was time to just take care of me, right? 

In the not-so-distant past, I would put myself aside for the perceived benefit of everyone else. Notice I said perceived… is it really true that people–other adults–can’t get along without me? Is the quality of their life my responsibility? NO! However, the quality of MY life IS! When I forget that, when I am afraid to hold my own space, I get off balance until I have nothing left to give. 

So I picked up the phone and broke the news that I was staying home. I got my massage, went without makeup and I danced a full hour of SHiNE™  and it just. felt. SO. good. 

I didn’t feel amazing after just one day of rest. It took a few days to reorganize, refill, and refuel.  Paying attention to what I eat is important to do anytime but also especially important when I’m feeling drained.

Everyone needs resources to be able to function well, especially when we’re actively working on improving our lives–which I believe everybody is trying to do on one level or another because that’s what human beings do–progress! In fact, it is scientifically proven that we are happier when we are progressing.

When we have the right resources, we are able to feel good and to love ourselves and be Totally Happy In the Now. If happiness is something we desire, then it’s important that we are aware of these resources at all times. It’s not an extra stress in my life to make sure my personal reservoir is full enough.  I simply pay attention to how I’m feeling– I really listen–and I have tools in place to help me fill back up when I feel my energy going down and/or my thoughts and emotions are heading in a negative direction. 

Some of these tools are:

• Have a playlist of happy, feel-good music
• Take the time to go for a walk
• Fuel with something yummy AND good for you 
• Dance 
• Serve someone 
• Get a massage
• Practice gratitude 
• Join a community 

It can be truly be helpful to be a part of a group of people who are working on similar goals together– people who understand you and care about you, no matter what.  If you’d like to be a part of a supportive group of women who are working on staying balanced, learning to keep themselves filled, to Love Themselves T.H.I.N. (Totally Happy In the Now) and create their life by design,  join my Facebook group here. 

The post I Need A Massage! first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post I Need A Massage! appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

“Without a personal vision, any habit will do.”

Stop and think about that for a minute. What did he mean? I believe he meant that if I don’t know where I’m going, it doesn’t really matter what I do! It doesn’t matter if I spend a lot of time in front of the TV; it doesn’t really matter if I spend a lot of time scrolling through Facebook; it doesn’t really matter how I spend my time because I don’t have anywhere to go. I can just stay where I am and be fine, and any habit will be fine, right?

In the story of Alice in Wonderland, when Alice comes to a fork in the road, she asked the Chesire Cat:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.

With a personal vision, we have direction. Without a vision, we are stuck.

So how many of us are feeling stuck? How many of us are just feeling like we would love to be successful, yet we don’t really know how?

In The Strangest Secret, author Earl Nightingale says that the successful person isn’t always who we might look to as being successful. Success, he says, can be defined as a progressive realization of a worthy ideal.  So a successful person is somebody who has made a decision to do something–anything they want– and then is doing a good job of working toward that. A successful person is a wife and mom who knows that she wants to be a wife and mom and is doing a good job of it. A gas station attendant, if that’s what he wants to do and he’s doing a good job of it, is successful. A business man or woman, an athlete, a musician…anyone who is putting forth good effort to do what they have decided to do…that person is successful.

So, what is it that you want? Where is it that you are you going? What do you want to do? Years ago was in a place where I didn’t know the answer to that question. I had forgotten what I enjoyed. I had forgotten what my purpose was. I got stuck in the habit of just going through the motions, and it wasn’t moving me anywhere. I thought I needed to find my great big purpose, that I needed to do that big, successful thing that I was meant to do, and it was really frustrating because I couldn’t figure out what that was. Finally, my husband said to me, “You know what I think right now your purpose is? I think it’s to learn how to be happy with your life and who you are right now.”

Wow! Right? Like I said, he says a lot of profound things. So… I started small. I thought of getting my nails done.  It sounded kind of ridiculous, kind of selfish, maybe, and a little bit frivolous, but I was at a point that I didn’t know what else to do, so I listened to my husband and went in for a manicure.

You know what happened? Yes, I enjoyed looking at my nails; I enjoyed being able to do the dishes and have them stay nice; AND I also found that I loved being able to talk to someone!  I love conversation and connection, and for so long I had put myself in a place where I didn’t really do that. So, by taking the step to “just be happy” and get my nails done, I found a new spark, a new desire that led me further and further, step by step, toward a greater purpose. It was something so simple that felt so good. And now I set an intention every day to be happy — that is my worthy ideal, and it has taken me further than I realized was possible!

Now…back to my husband’s quote– “Any habit will do” if you don’t have a personal vision. However…if you want a personal vision, and you’re not sure what that is; if you want to know what your purpose is, and you just aren’t sure what that looks like, I would like to borrow a phrase from Joseph in the Amazing Technicolor Dreamboat, Any Dream Will Do.”  If there is something inside of you that you want to do, DO IT!  It doesn’t have to be the big thing in order to matter; it doesn’t have to have that big end result in order to make you be successful. Your success is that thing you want to do right now. Just pick something! Just like my simple dream of getting my nails done, any dream will do to help you get out of the rut of your habits and to get you moving toward something that’ will make you feel good inside. I believe that if you allow yourself to do the things that you want to do instead of trying to listen to what other people might want from you, you’ll find your purpose because it’s coming from inside of you.

So think of something that makes you happy and do that thing!
Any dream will do to help you take that first step toward the next step, and toward the next step, toward your final destiny, that final great big purpose. I really have a passion for the next step and for doing that thing that feels good on the inside of you. So let yourself dare to do that and watch what happens.

The post Any Dream Will Do first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Any Dream Will Do appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

“Attitude determines the trajectory of your life.” 

Think about it.
Does your attitude affect your daily decisions?
Does the way you feel determine the direction you choose to go?
I know that I if have a bad attitude about something, I’m not going to go toward it. Sometimes, in fact, a bad attitude makes me choose to not do anything—and my attitude continues to just get worse as I just sit and wallow in negativity about myself, my life, my world, whatever.
When I have a good attitude, on the other hand, I’m willing to do more. I’m willing to see more possibilities. I’m willing and able to be happy because my attitude is good.
 

So how do we manage our attitude? Bob Proctor, another mentor that I love to listen to, says,
“Thoughts plus behavior = attitude.” That makes a lot of sense to me.

People often reach out to me ask, “Have you always been positive and optimistic? Are you naturally a happy person?” 
The answer is, I’ve always thought I was—in my own mind—but if I look back, I didn’t always act that way. In fact, a lot of times I acted quite opposite. I could be ornery and still would think of myself as an optimistic person, but it wasn’t complete. My behavior did not match my thoughts.
It was not enough to think positively, I also had to ACT positively before I could truly claim to live the kind of life that comes from having a positive attitude.
One of the things that has helped my attitude the most is a decision I made to look for the things that I want to see and then be them. For example, I once enjoyed watching people have fun, but I felt left out of the fun because I was boring. I rarely if ever laughed out loud.
One day I realized that more than just watching. I wanted to experience MY life as fun and exciting. I decided to create the intention to see fun in my life on purpose, and then I would BE fun by actually laughing about it. I turned fun from a wish to a behavior. 

That decision created magic in my life and so I started doing more and more of that. Now I can truly say that my behavior matches my thoughts.  Of course I have days where I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. On those days when I feel like my mood is going to be get in the way I’m my ability to have a successful day, feel good day, or if I want to influence someone for good, I know I have to behave my way out of that mood. I get up and put my thoughts in order by listening to an audio, reading a book (I often choose scripture,) and then I do something active, like go for a walk or dance. Getting into action, it changes my attitude and my day is so much better because of it.
It’s an Intention; it’s a Decision; & it’s Action. 

There is a scripture (Philippians 4: 8) which says,
“whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Author Tommy Newberry wrote a book about this scripture called “The 4:8 Principle.” In the book, he suggests reading this scripture every day at 4:08 as a reminder to look for the good things in life. I took this suggestion seriously, and every day for about 3 years now, my phone sounds an alarm at 4:08,

“…whatsoever things are lovely…think on these things.” 

So at least once a day, I stop and look around until I find something virtuous, something lovely, something of good report, something praise worthy, something that makes me happy, something that makes me smile, something that helps me feel positive about my life.
And this is my message to you today—a challenge to seek for lovely things.
Set an intention to have a great attitude, because your attitude determines the trajectory of your life.

The post Thought + Behavior = Attitude & Attitude is Everything first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Thought + Behavior = Attitude & Attitude is Everything appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I had heard similar words before, not necessarily directed right at me, and I thought it sounded ridiculous. This time, however, they sank deep. They bothered me, actually. I could feel the truth behind those words for the first time ever, but I had no idea where to start. I let his words simmer in the back of my mind and seep into my heart. I began to pay attention to people who had the body confidence that I wanted. I heard many of them speak about the power of self-love; I noticed that most people who seemed confident were involved in something they were passionate about; and somehow they seemed to carry a common theme of “being” rather than “doing.”

Being vs Doing: What did that even mean? I had the thought to begin practicing yoga. Honestly, I thought it would just be a way to stretch my tight muscles–I thought the meditation part was weird–but being immersed in the atmosphere of the class, I began to notice more peace inside myself.  I found that with continued practice I was becoming more aware of my body–how it worked–and that being aware of every part of my body made it possible for me to not only perform the poses better but also to release all the chatter of my mind. I began to notice more of what was going on around me, even outside of the yoga studio. The first year it was all but impossible for me to look at the mirror “into my own two eyes,” as the practice suggested. It was so uncomfortable–almost disgusting to me–but, as I continued to attend class, even that began to change. I realized that I had almost been a stranger to my own body, and I slowly allowed myself to become friends with that image in the mirror.

Passion for Life:  I thought my next step happened by accident, but the more I realize that there truly are no coincidences, the more I am certain that it was exactly the right thing at the right time for me. I attended Good to Great with David TS Wood on his island in Belize. I thought I was going just to be with my husband, Dave, because the retreat was held during the week of our 22nd anniversary. Since I was only allowed to attend if I participated, I decided I’d play along. Wow! That was such a life changing event!! It was hard and scary and pushed me in many ways, and it showed me that passion for life really does exist outside of my comfort zone.  I realized that I could do hard things, and I also realized how supportive people are. I met beautiful people I could call friends, and more importantly, they helped me to believe that they also called me friend.
Self-Love:  Because I felt a desire to truly love myself, I decided to treat myself as such. I found an accountability partner who showed me how to switch things just a little to get maximum benefit out of the foods I chose to eat. I began losing weight immediately. I began to change the way I felt about exercise. I let myself try new activities until I found something I enjoyed. I no longer go to the gym feeling like I need to “kill it” in order to get results. The more fun I have, the more I feel like I’m working with my body instead of against it.

So… what about negative self-talk? 

The post “Love Yourself Thin”–What does that even mean? first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post “Love Yourself Thin”–What does that even mean? appeared first on Cary MacArthur.