Or at least I thought I was grateful.

It was a passive gratitude—grateful for what I thought was good in my life and accepting the rest as “meant to be.”

In her research, Brené Brown (author of  The Gift of Imperfection) discovered that people who describe themselves as joyful actually practiced gratitude!

Instead of being grateful for what they already had in their lives, joyful people were grateful first!

In the words of BrotherDavid Steindl-Rast, “It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.”

Since I was on my own pursuit of happiness, I decided to stop being grateful and to begin a gratitude practice. It really makes a difference!

What does a gratitude practice look like? It’s simple, really.

• Actively look for reasons to be grateful about everything.

• Instead of simply saying “I’m thankful for…,” add “because…” and finish the sentence.

• Perform at least one random act of kindness every day.

I can honestly say that my life, now that I make a daily effort to live in active gratitude, is a joyful life.

I intentionally look for all of the good that surrounds me—even in the hard stuff—and I seize opportunities to experience this miracle that we call life.

It’s amazing how deeply joyful I feel—and everyday I receive even more to be grateful for.

One of the things I feel especially grateful for in this very moment is YOU! Thank you for being a part of my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The post Gratitude first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Gratitude appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Casey is a nurse-turned-network marketer, and has fallen in love with the industry. Through this share to share industry, she was introduced to the power of positive and intentional thinking.

She was living in New York with her husband in a tiny apartment that had no heat when she began thinking, “There’s got to be something more.” She has since discovered that “something more.”

Cary: How did you decide it was OK to let go of your nursing career that you worked so hard to get and do something non-tradition.

Casey: My friend Jennifer introduced me and I just started surrounding myself with the possibilities. I saw the vision, and thought, “If they can do it, then why can’t I?” And I did a lot of reading and learning to help me hold the belief.
To give up nursing, people thought I was crazy. And when I first started network marketing, I was really bad at it! But I surrounded myself with positive thinking and people who had the same drive as I did.

Cary: You didn’t have to just get rid of all of the people in your life, did you?

Casey: I surrounded myself a lot of authors and podcasts that became my positive influencers. The people I hung around just didn’t have the same desire and they didn’t want to be open to what I was learning, and that’s ok. I craved it! And it’s amazing the new relationships that do come into your life. You certainly not missing out, but you don’t have to forget your circle. It’s fun, too, because a lot of times when you elevate yourself so high you can go back to your circle and those people who weren’t ready and bring them with you. It’s a win for everybody at that point.

Cary: What do you feel like your first step to finding your VOICE was?

Casey: I am still learning who I am. The person I was a year ago is not the person I am. And a year from now, I’m sure I’ll be a different person. We are creatures of creating, learning constantly—failing constantly, elevating constantly—and I’ve become really OK with the fact that I’m not shooting for a destination. It’s a journey.

I’m open! Let me thing it, study it, get some feeling behind it…the most expensive thing that we can do in life is to be closed.
When you have that value in yourself and know that you’re worthy, you know that he challenges happen FOR you.
The secret to having it all is knowing, the secret  you already do.

Cary: I hear a lot of people say they progress for awhile, and then they hit a wall and they stop. I have watched you go from one magnificent win to the next. What is that gets you past those wall-kicking moments and to act on your intention even when you don’t want to?

Casey: I’m kind to myself, and I think that is the #1 piece of advice that I have is you have to be kind to yourself on this journey of change. Would you have friends if you talked to them the way you talk to you? Allow yourself to shut down technology, put your feet up, curl up with a book, cuddle with a loved one, and then get back to it!  Action will push down fear and doubt every single time.

Sometimes action is reading a book, sometimes it’s a meditation, sometimes it’s networking.

My new motto is “Finding the JOY in the journey.” I once heard Tony Robbins say: “Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.”

These are just a few of the many nuggets that Casey shares!!! Enjoy her energy and her wisdom!!

You can find Casey at https://www.facebook.com/caseychristineplouffe

The post Interview with Casey Plouffe: Find JOY in the Journey! first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Interview with Casey Plouffe: Find JOY in the Journey! appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Sometimes “knowing” can be detrimental:

• It can make us lazy– “I don’t have to do that because I already ‘get it.'”
• It can cause resistance–because that action seems scary and I’m not really sure I want to go there.

Regardless of how many times I think I know, I am always amazed when I humble myself and do the work. Every time I do, I rediscover something I thought I already knew.  It’s almost like I am learning for the first time, only I am able to understand it more deeply.

I call this “moving from head knowledge to heart knowledge,” and it is always facilitated by ACTION.

When I DO something with what I’ve learned, the bits information stuck in my head move into every other cell of my body. The knowledge becomes a part of my being instead of something I can access from a mental shelf in the library of my mind.  I feel more enlightened; I feel lighter, happier, more energetic… It’s incredible!

In fact, I am currently experiencing this whole body enlightenment. “Doing the Work” is a concept I thought I already knew, until (like so many times before) a challenge moved me not simply into action, but massive action.
The assignment came from David TS Wood and Lisa Nichols as a part of a speakers’ training called Amplified Train the Trainer. They challenged us participants to look for stories in the NOW of our lives instead of looking to memories of the past or visions of the future. They explained that the way we could find these “Now” stories was to say “YES!” to the opportunities of each day, and “BOTH!” if more than one opportunity arose.

I jumped in with both feet and created so many stories by saying Yes! to being an active participant in each (or many more than usual) moment of my life. I said yes to dancing; wearing lipstick; going down the slide with my grandson, Lukas; playing darts and shuffle board with my family. I had conversations with beautiful people on the subways of New York City, slept on a mattress with my daughter Madyson on the floor of the Brooklyn apartment that we called home for 5 days. I drove Dave’s huge duel cab Chevy truck to California to help my daughter Arielle move from LA to her new apartment in Laguna Niguel, for heaven’s sake! (That one took a lot of intestinal fortitude…)

Each of these moments has positively impacted my life, along with many more I haven’t mentioned. The most impactful Yes!, however, is the #100DaysofLaughter challenge that my Australian friend and accountability partner, Tammy Richie, created. We were speaking on the phone (via FaceBook–coolest thing ever) for our daily accountability call. I was Christmas shopping at Ulta, and she was in the children’s ward of her local hospital while her son recovered from surgery. As we spoke, two singing clowns entered the hospital room. Apparently they came by often to spread happiness to the kids (and parents,) so Tammy had formed a relationship with them. She called them over, handed them her phone, and said, “Here! Talk to my friend, Cary. She is from the United States.” They took the phone and sang a song to me and about me that they created as they went. It was hilarious! When they handed the phone back to Tammy, she commented on how good it felt to laugh for a moment. Then (in typical Tammy form) she created the idea for this laughter challenge. “Let’s look for reasons to laugh out loud every day for 100 days and post videos about it on FaceBook. We can start a happiness movement!” And the challenge was born.

I haven’t typically been one to laugh out loud. I smile and laugh on the inside–cuz that’s just who I am–but (true to Cary form) once I committed, I was compelled to do it. Today is Day 49. I cannot tell you the power this has had on my life!! I feel free! I feel joyful! I feel empowered!

The post I Can’t Say Enough about ACTION first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post I Can’t Say Enough about ACTION appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Careful… that’s the key word. Be careful not to attempt anything that you can’t be good at. That way, you won’t have to face the perfectionism demons that lie waiting to attack every flaw, every fault, every mistake.

Perfectionism: (n) a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection

and rejects anything else.

Rejects anything else–to the point of avoidance maybe? To the point of missing out on the experience completely in the name of being perfect?

So yes, I understand perfectionism. I understand it so well that I discovered the backdoor approach to avoiding the demons–I simply avoided the demons. I can’t be perfect, so instead of stressing about it, find a way to just not do it.

So–rejecting anything that keeps me from being perfect keeps me…perfect…

Hmmm…

Could that be why it’s been about a month since I created a blog post? Instead of spending hours putting my thoughts into words that would perfectly illustrate my point, I got busy. I created  a task list so long and laborious that avoiding the blog “just one more week” was the best obvious solution. I mean, if I justify not blogging by finding “more important” things to do, even though I promised myself that I would be consistent, I won’t really be breaking a promise I made to myself. Right?

I saw the big picture of what I was doing during a romantic trip with my husband to the Cayman Islands. I experienced the anxiety-provoking effects of my incongruous beliefs and behaviors in a somewhat surprising yet very real and raw way. Somehow being faced with to-the-core vulnerability–swimsuit, wet hair, athletic incompetence–while having every intention of being fully present with Dave left me nowhere I could hide. Behaving in a way that is inconsistent with belief is a prime cause of anxiety, and boy! Did I feel it!

I talk about facing fear all the time; I am all about walking my talk; and in this moment of being completely exposed with nowhere to hide, I came face-to-face with my “hypocrisy.” I didn’t like it.

Lucky for me, I am extremely introspective. I am also quite committed. When I put my mind to something, I do it. No matter what. I’m not always 100% willing. In fact, I can be quite stubborn. Sometimes I fight myself from every angle, and when there are no convincing angles left, “Stubborn Me” gives in to “Determined Me,” and I take another step toward “Congruent Me.”

To me, being congruent means being in full voice, which also means passionate and powerfully approaching my purpose. That makes me happy–and Happy is the goal.

**Fun side bar: By putting my new awareness into action, this particular blog post only took 30 minutes instead of several hours. It may not be perfect; it’s definitely progress!

“Men (and women) are that they might have JOY.”

The post Blogging, Beach Anxiety, and Perfectionism first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Blogging, Beach Anxiety, and Perfectionism appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I often hear myself say “Personal Growth can be excruciating and exhausting, but I do it anyway because of how good it feels on the other side.” In fact, Life can be hard. Progress can be exhausting. And because it is, there is always joy to look forward to.  However, I have felt lately that, although the “hard”ness of life is real, I have painted a picture that focuses more on the difficulty and not enough on the joy. The truth is that JOY doesn’t always have to be somewhere in the future. Joy and Difficulty actually coexist. We can actually experience the “hard” and the joy at the same time.

Maybe I can illustrate my point by sharing one of my favorite memories…

I feel like the journey of life can somehow be summarized by comparing it to middle school…being middle school age is hard! I know it was for me, anyways. It’s an exciting time–growing up–bodies are changing in both exciting and awkward way. It’s all about discovering independence, learning about the bigger picture of life, figuring out who you are, what you enjoy, what you’re good at and maybe not so good at.  It can also be a lonely time; it’s when all the “separation” happens. Guys and girls start to “notice the difference,” the pretty ones group together, “popular” becomes a thing, and if you’re not one who makes the cut, you can totally feel worthless!  I remember the devastating day that my best friend told me she didn’t like me and that she never really had. I wasn’t one of the cool ones, and she was…can anyone relate?

Somehow, however, I don’t only have horrible memories about middle school. Maybe it’s because this time of awkward loneliness was also a time when I learned some of my greatest lessons about how to be happy anyway and to find joy in the journey.

I discovered early on that one of my talents was singing, and using my voice to express what was in my heart was my “happy place.” It was where I could go to find confidence. To help me endure the hard parts of middle school life, I created a lot of visions around what I could do with my voice–one of them was to be a member of Sound Celebration when I was old enough to try out. (Sound Celebration was an advanced vocal performing group at the high school, and they were REALLY GOOD!) In 9th grade, I was finally old enough to audition, and I was SO EXCITED! I was excited to get to make friends with people my age who also loved to sing, excited to be able to travel and perform, excited to maybe even make a record like they had done in past years. Even when I learned that the director of “Sounds” (as it was affectionately called) was retiring and I would be auditioning with the new director, I couldn’t wait to finally reach this life-long goal. When it was my turn to audition, I entered with confidence, sang my song, and felt positive that I would be chosen as a new soprano in the group…

…but I didn’t make the cut…

Heartbroken could not begin to explain how I felt. I was lost–my world was shattered. I was so embarrassed that I had felt so confident that I would make it. Who did I think I was? I mean, obviously I was failure at everything, because if I wasn’t good at the one thing I thought I was good at, then I must have been even worse than I even realized at the things I knew I was bad at!! I was sure I would never come out of my bedroom again.

My parents somehow coaxed me to come upstairs and talk with them for a minute. I will never forget it–they handed me a record by a new recording artist, Whitney Houston (ever heard of her?) I don’t remember everything they said, but I remember them asking me to turn the cover over and read the words on the back. Among other things, I read the serenity prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And they had me listen to the lyrics of the “The Greatest Love of All.”

I still cried for probably an other hour or two, but I felt better. I felt the power of ME shining through. I felt the love of my parents and the love of God deep inside my heart, and I knew that even when I felt alone, discouraged, unpopular, and untalented, I could look inside myself and find that LOVE and feel better.

Life hands us challenges almost on the daily, but life can also be beautiful and amazing! It takes a little extra effort sometimes to find the joy, but I promise you, it is right there along side of the hard stuff. And when we can’t seem to find it on the outside, we can always look inside…

“And if, by chance, that special place

that you’ve been dreaming of

leads you to a lonely place,

find your strength in LOVE.”

The post Experiencing Both the Joy AND the "Hard" first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Experiencing Both the Joy AND the "Hard" appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

“What is my purpose right now?”

I remember the day I received the answer to this question. It came after a process that occurred over several months.  As part of my morning study, I had been listening to A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi, and in his chapter on Purpose, he reminded me of something I already knew– “Purpose or destiny is what you, your Self, or soul chose to do here on earth–a choice based on your soul’s attributes and wishes…That is why it gives you so much joy doing it–because you chose it a long time ago. It is what you came here to do.” And then he followed with “Sit down quietly and find out why you are here. You have a purpose.” So I did. I did it for several days. Sometimes I would have a simple and incomplete thought, so I would write it down on a 3×5 card and then set it aside.  Finally, one day I picked up all of those 3×5 cards and my purpose appeared there before me “I am ambassador for women. I help them to discover who they truly are and to find the power in their virtue.” I felt such a power in those words and I was compelled to get into action.

In contemplating what this meant in tangible terms that I could put into action, I again “sat down quietly.”  I asked myself several questions: “What, exactly, is virtue?”  “What have I done to discover my own power?” “What steps have I taken that have led me from where I was to where I am?” “What steps am I continuing to take that will lead me to where I want to be?” It all began to unfold and the steps were very clear.

So, “What is virtue?”
I had several conversations with friends, asking what “virtue” meant to them. I also researched different cultural perspectives on virtue. A comment from my friend Jen basically summarized what I found:

Virtue is cultivating a God confidence. It’s knowing who you are, where you come from, and what you stand for, and not falling from that.

To me this says two things: Virtue is knowing what your core values are and then aligning your life with them; and Virtue is knowing the true value of WHO YOU ARE! And as I evaluated my next question, I realized that discovering my own Value (or Virtue) has been the number one most profound step in my whole journey.

The other steps are the finishing touches.:

• being open to new ideas and experiences,

• becoming aware and clearing out limiting beliefs,

• stepping through fears,

• and celebrating the joy of what it feels like on the “other side.”

This has been my process. It is still unfolding and developing. I continue to reach new heights, but the process is the same. I know it works. And the best part of it all is watching it work for others who are trusting me to be their growth partner. 🙂

The post "V" is for Virtue–the Value of YOU first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post "V" is for Virtue–the Value of YOU appeared first on Cary MacArthur.