Here are 5 common experiences that may have stolen your voice—and how you can start to find it again:

1. Being Taught That Your Needs Don’t Matter

Whether through family, culture, or relationships, many of us learned early on that speaking up for our needs was wrong, selfish, or inconvenient. Over time, you may have stopped asking, stopped expressing, and started believing that silence was safer.

Reclaim It:

Start by noticing your needs again—without judgment. Begin small. Name what you need to yourself, even if you’re not ready to say it out loud yet.

2. Criticism or Rejection When You Did Speak Up

Maybe you tried to share your feelings, and they were dismissed or mocked. Maybe your ideas or opinions were shot down, leaving you embarrassed or afraid to try again.

Reclaim It:

Your truth is still valid. Write it out. Speak it in a safe space. Practice giving yourself the validation you didn’t receive before.

3. Trauma or Betrayal That Left You Numb or Disconnected

When you’ve been hurt deeply, especially by people you trusted, it’s natural to shut down. Protecting yourself becomes the priority, and often that means staying quiet.

Reclaim It:

Gentle connection—to yourself, to safe people, to your body—can help you begin to feel again. Let your voice emerge at your pace, with compassion.

4. Constantly Pleasing Others at the Expense of Yourself

If you’ve spent years trying to keep the peace, avoiding conflict, or taking care of everyone else, your voice can feel lost in the noise of everyone else’s expectations.

Reclaim It:

Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Let your desires matter. Give yourself permission to disappoint others if it means being true to you.

5. Internalizing the Belief That You’re Not Enough

Over time, negative self-talk and comparison can shrink your sense of worth. You stop speaking up because you believe you have nothing valuable to say.

Reclaim It:

Your voice doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours. Speak kindly to yourself. Choose one small truth to stand on today and let it grow.

Your Voice Still Lives Inside You.

It’s never truly gone. Maybe it’s been quiet, but it’s still there, waiting. And as you reconnect with your value, your voice will begin to rise—not in a shout, but in a steady, honest strength that no one can take away.

The post 5 Experiences That Steal Your Voice…and How You Can Reclaim It first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post 5 Experiences That Steal Your Voice…and How You Can Reclaim It appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

To stand on that stage, facing fears I didn’t know I had. 

I was scared out of my mind …

…And into my heart

I felt my VOICE for first time in a long time, pleading to be heard. 

DOING IT wasn’t near as scary as thinking about it was. In fact, I came alive in a very real way. Colors brightened and it seemed as though I finally took my first breath

I have since attended many personal development retreats, and still I will always be grateful for that first one—Good to Great in Belize—where I learned that life begins outside of my comfort zone.

 It’s where I began to believe that maybe – – just maybe – –my VOICE is WORTH hearing. 

And now it’s my turn to invite you onto that proverbial stage. 

I can’t wait to hear YOUR voice 

Are you ready? 

You’re worth it!

I just spent a weekend in Kelowna, British Columbia, where I spent some time with my coach and friend, David TS Wood. He was the facilitator of the Good  to Great Retreat that began my quest to Awaken my VOICE!

My vision for the Awaken your VOICE Retreat  has been to duplicate the journey that I have been on for the last decade and condense it into two and half days. I am super excited because I really believe that we did just that!!!

Join me May 16th- 18th 2019 in beautiful St. George, UT, for the AWAKEN YOUR VOICE RETREAT!!!
Check theyouconnection.com for details!

The post Awaken Your Voice first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Awaken Your Voice appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Talk about your fears, your struggles, your sorrows; give voice to your thoughts, ideas, and dreams.

Find & Speak your VOICE!

ARE YOU READY to CONNECT to YOU again?
JOIN US!!

Connect to your Value, your Power, and your Purpose at the FIND YOUR VOICE RETREAT!

TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW theYOUconnection.com

The post Sharing What's Going On Inside Of You Will Set You Free first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Sharing What's Going On Inside Of You Will Set You Free appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I call it #ThoughtfulThursday.

Thoughtful, as in “full of thought.” Only this week, I am feeling more the thoughtfulness of people and the miracles of life,  and I’m Thankful.

So, I’ll also call it #ThankfulThursday.

I mentioned that I PLAN to do a weekly blog post, and lately, each Thursday I find excuses to not do it. I’ve talked about it before. Apparently, there’s still a “perfection” block somewhere. Of course, this means overcoming the need for blogging perfection has become my next deep dive.

Last night (which was Thursday) as I laid in bed–somewhere between asleep and awake–I first realized I yet again missed a #ThoughtfulThursday post.  My thoughts turned quickly, however, to the recent happenings of my life. Suddenly I was overcome with gratitude as I realized that so many of the VISIONS I have written on my 3×5 cards have been manifesting! Life is a progression of miracles!

• Manifestation #1: On Wednesday, I became a published author as Journey of Riches: Personal Changes was released on Amazon. It’s a compilation book headed by John Spender, and my story is told in Chapter 2: “Time To Stop Hiding.” (A little bit ironic, hey?)
• Manifestation #2: Next week, October 5 (also Thursday) my first podcast will be born: Dare to Find Your V.O.I.C.E.  I remember how afraid I was to join Dave on the Mechanic to Millionaire podcast 3 years ago. I also knew that if I said no, he probably wouldn’t ask again, and deep down, I really wanted to join him. I am so glad that I did! It has blessed my life in so many ways!!
  • And now I also have MY OWN SHOW!
• Manifestion #3: Community! Friends! Connection to beautiful, powerful people who support me and whom I am blessed to support in return. I am surrounded by this blessing every day!

I am so overcome!! Amazed! Awestruck! 

And yet…it feels so natural and “in the flow…” 

The gratitude is real.

Today I recorded three podcast interviews. I really love interviewing people. The stories of ALL people fascinate me, and some touch me in powerful ways. The three ladies I interviewed today have all blessed my life, and I am still so touched by the words of wisdom they shared with me (and soon all of my listeners) today. One in particular, Udana Power, talked about how she cherishes the “juiciness of ordinary moments.” As she spoke, I realized that THAT is the very source of my gratitude!!

When I first joined Mechanic to Millionaire, I was hesitant to share my stories. I used to think they were too ordinary and small and extremely unimportant, but as Dave and I talk about the principles of success, so many times I feel compelled to share the little things! I used to worry that I said too much, but every time I share my silly little fears and how I have pushed myself through them, those are the times that I receive messages of love and gratitude from beautiful people. Those are the times that I get to feel YOU–the listeners, my friends–because you also open up and share with me.  So THIS is what I am feeling so grateful for tonight–the love and support that all of my listeners, friends, partners give me–always. It’s because of all of YOU that I am able to speak my V.O.I.C.E., and I’m extremely grateful.

Your kindness and acceptance have led me to find my calling. I feel it more and more deeply each day.

I will end with this simple little “accidental” video that explains how I came to first accept then grow into my current role of connecting women to their virtue, power, and purpose. But really, there are no accidents… 😉

The post #ThoughtfulThursday: #ThankfulThursday first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post #ThoughtfulThursday: #ThankfulThursday appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

I doubt that I am the only one…

I am not saying this is a bad thing, necessarily. What would life be if it didn’t have a purpose? And what does purpose matter if I am not striving towards it? For 40+ years, one thing I feel I have been “good at” was my ability to see the big picture and then to work toward making it happen.

Life has a way of showing me that things are not always as they seem--philosophies and ideas don’t always fit within the boundaries of my understanding. This holds true with my interpretation of what it means to be “anxiously engaged” and, for that matter, what exactly is a “good cause”?

Earlier this year, I was living in a state of intense purpose, and I was on fire. I had just completed my #100DaysofLaughter challenge and felt on top of the world. It had been so transformational that I decided the #100Day Challenges must continue, which led to becoming deeply committed to #100daysofCourage. Doing the challenge via Facebook Live increased the intensity of anxious engagement, and I was up for the challenge. At roughly the same time, however, I also co-hosted my first ever Women’s UP Retreat with my friend, JoJo; I started back to school; AND David Wood (my coach, aka “THE” master trainer) had asked me to speak on his stage!  It was all exciting. And intense. And overwhelming.

Suddenly I found myself in a place I thought I had said goodbye to forever. My mind was in a constant state of overwhelm. Ideas that had been so exciting to me turned to a foggy chaos. I couldnt articulate my thoughts; my new-found confidence began to doubt itself as the intense emotions breathed life back into the insecurities I thought were gone. In addition, my Dr had decided to experiment with a new thyroid medication, which threw off my levels and added to the fatigue, depression, and brain fog.

I was actually pleased with the way I was dealing with all I was feeling. I was grateful and quite amazed at my ability to manage my state, even with all that I had going on inside of myself.  I explained to David Wood during a coaching call that I felt I was in a forced state of “slow down” and that I was doing my best to stay “up.” He suggested that maybe this was my body’s way of teaching me to find a new approach to success. Maybe it was time to learn how to enjoy BOTH working hard AND being in a relaxed state at the same time. He reminded me that I had just accomplished some really big goals and gave me the courage challenge of going offline for a few days. He asked me to find the courage to forget my commitment to do a daily challenge on live video and instead sit still and celebrate the successes I had just experienced. He encouraged me to pay attention to what that brought up for me and to figure out WHY I was doing this challenge and everything else I was doing.

My old self would have “fought” this suggestion. I didn’t really know myself ourself of being busy. I couldn’t fight it this time–it was both physically (because of my thyroid) and emotionally (because of everything else) impossible. I took just a few days off from courage videos, but “slowing down” continued for another couple of months. In fact, I’m still in a slower and easier state of flow than I’ve ever allowed before, and I can tell a difference.

The results have been powerful:

First, I discovered that my reasons for doing #100DaysofCourage and other video challenges haven’t changed. They are helping me to become who I am meant to be; I love being able to show others that vulnerability and that acting with intention can change your life; and (most importantly) I ENJOY doing it

Next, I have learned that to be “anxiously engaged” doesn’t mean I have to be “addicted to busy-ness,” nor does a “good cause” always have to be something outside myself. I can be my own good cause–my own growth, my own peace and happiness. Being “anxiously engaged in a good cause” doesn’t have to mean that in order for my efforts to matter, I need to burn the candle at both ends and be stressed out at all times.

“Anxiously engaged” can mean being happy and celebrating life; it can mean being fully present, completely engaged in the moment, connecting and sharing with other people, and finding joy in every experience, no matter what.

The post Addicted to Busy-ness vs Sitting Still first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Addicted to Busy-ness vs Sitting Still appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

One of my favorite mentors, Sandra Yancey, said that to me, and I love it. It reminds me that I am being guided by a higher power; it also reminds me of how much I am worth, and I’m worth a lot; we all are. But it’s way too easy to forget that as we go throughout our lives, and we fall into habits and routines that are beneath us. There is a reason it’s not good enough to only be living life day by day, and that’s because we all want to become the biggest, and fullest manifestation of ourselves that we can be. We are progressive beings! It is in our nature to want to be the best that we can be. We all have a psychological need to matter!
And still, we tend to forget… So let me remind you,

You have a purpose. You may or may not know it yet. You can discover it by asking yourself “Who Am I–Really?” and then, once you feel the answer, by being true to yourself. Sit quietly and find out who you are, then set your sites to BE that!
And “don’t insult that which is guiding you by aiming too low,” because you WILL be guided.

The gist is that finding your voice-finding yourself-is how you find your purpose. It’s easy to get very distracted as we’re searching because sometimes we get thrown through loops and get sent on roller coasters. Most of the time, we will not just get from point A to point B without trials, right? But if we keep going, we WILL get there. It takes patience, determination, and perseverance. Think of it as going on a road trip – You pack your things, get in the car, and embark on your journey. It is a given that you will encounter some red lights, stop signs, traffic, and you’ll even have to stop to fill up your tank once or twice. And I’m pretty sure that these “trials” very rarely make anyone turn around and go right back home where they’re more comfortable, and that is because they KNOW that if they keep driving, they WILL reach their destination.

Life is no different.

You will get there if you don’t turn around and go back home to where you’re comfortable.

We work together in one purpose because we all connect together in a higher purpose. Still, we all have our own individual personalities & we all have our own individual purpose. We all have our own individual desires, the things that make us tick, the talents that we’ve been given. My purpose is why I’m here; it’s what drives me every day. It can also be defined as my vision, and it becomes more clear as I move toward my purpose.
I encourage you to find time daily to sit in silence, using that time to connect the power of the Divine Creator to the power that is within you. Allow that connection to flow through you, and then recheck your vision and your purpose to bring them into a more clear and defined alignment with who you are designed to be.

The post Getting Clear: Discovering Your Clearly Defined Purpose first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Getting Clear: Discovering Your Clearly Defined Purpose appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Does anyone else ask this question: “WHO AM I TO BE…? I mean, SHE is gorgeous and extremely talented.  How could I ever fit into a group of such fabulous people?” I wish I could say I was completely past all of this type of thinking…truth is, that negative voice still exists in my mind. I have shared that dancing and wearing lipstick have moved me to a place where I can actually see beauty in myself, and still that snide “yeah, right…” remark is much stronger than I would like it to be… on many days, I still struggle with my selfie-confidence.

I am so inspired by the answer Marianne Williamson gives after she asks the question, “Who am I to be … gorgeous…?”

“Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.” 

I believe this statement so much that it brings me to tears! I want more than anything for the belief to outshine the doubt, so the journey continues. To help me strengthen my belief, my coach, David TS Wood, came up with the “selfie challenge” as my next step. ‘Take a selfie every day for 30 days (or more, depending on the level of “selfie-confidence” at that time) and send it to me. No filter. Just you, falling madly in love with the camera and with yourself.”

I hate this challenge…which is why I know I must do it.

The thing I notice about the times when the insecurity becomes louder than my shaky new level of self-confidence is that it becomes the weakest when I begin to feel that “power beyond measure” rising up from within myself.

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So how do I become liberated from my own fear?  Following my own “Five Fundamental Steps to Finding My Voice” has moved me further than anything else I have done:

V-finding Value in myself
O-being Open to learning and trying new things
I-setting an Intention to move forward and then acting on that intention
C–Clearing false beliefs and fears out of my subconsciousness by replacing them with new awareness
E-reinforce my new beliefs by Expressing them every day

All of these steps have been vital to owning and manifesting the power of God within me. Learning to Value who I am and having courage to Express myself with an audible voice are foundational cornerstones to the process. The keystone, however–the piece that fuels the fire and holds everything together is Acting with Intention! Accepting and being 100% committed to all of these silly challenges that I have been given are helping me to step out of fear and into greatness, and that is why I keep going.

SO! Back to the selfie challenge…some days it seems easy; other days I want to throw my phone across the room. Coach Wood says that’s sign that I’m getting closer and that I still have a ways to go. So, I will keep going.

It would be so much more fun, however, if others would join me!! Is anyone up for a selfie challenge? We could post them on my Facebook page– #selfieconfidence and #selfiechallenge. 

What if we all start showing up with with greater confidence?  Imagine the difference we could make!  

The post Challenge: Creating Selfie-Confidence first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Challenge: Creating Selfie-Confidence appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Interview with Enolia Foti

Here are a few highlights from this interview:

Cary: Enolia and I have never physically met, but we have spoken several times online. We have much in common and I love her heart.   We are similar in purpose–helping women to discover who they are and what their passions are.

Enolia: “I’m a woman who has transformed my life.”

Cary: Tell us more about these 13 Indigenous Grandmothers

Enolia: Grandmother is an affectionate term for elderly woman. These 13 women from all over the world gathered together and shared this beautiful message that  “It’s now time to come forward, to use your voice, speak your voice, be empowered and touch the hearts of others.” This caused me to question “why am I really here? Who am I? what’s my purpose here?” I found that my role here is to help plant seeds and to help women bring forward their dreams when they feel stuck, when they feel blocked and not just women, people in general.

Cary: What are your workshops like, and do you have any stories of people who have discovered their voice from attending these workshops?

Enolia: Sometimes we are our biggest block. We all are wounded in some kind of way, we all have gone through hurt or pain in some kinda way and many times those hurts and those pains shape our lives and that we don’t have to choose to allow that story or that pain or that wound to shape our lives for the rest of our lives. We can shed that story. We can get past that story! We can move through it and become and discover what we love and who we like and express ourselves better and to make decisions not based on a person that’s wounded but based on a person that can celebrate life and love who she is and look at herself in the mirror and love what she sees.
The beauty about this is that they become empowered to say “I can do this! I can bring that joy to my heart and I can choose to be happy, choose to make a change in my life, choose not to let the same triggers that bring me down the same rabbit hole over and over and not do that.” It’s a beautiful thing to see a group of women really, really understand that.

Cary: A lot of people can attend a personal growth workshop and feel motivated at the event and then go home and go right back to their own patterns. To have 3/4 of the people who attend your workshop actually change their lives, that is powerful.

Enolia: I don’t provide them answers, I help them find those answers within them; and if your heart is truly calling for change; you’re capable of making that change.

Cary: In doing this work, do you continue to find your own blocks and how do you move through them. What is your story?

Enolia: It’s an ever going process. It’s like peeling an onion and there is layer after layer after layer. Anyone that says that they’re done is not telling the truth because we’re continuously growing. Every day is an exploration of that beauty of who I am. I share my stories and share what I went through in my workshops to let women know that they’re not alone. We’re all going through different aspects of life where we need to shed our blocks and move forward.

Cary: Part of what connects us is that you have come through your own experiences and have discovered a pattern of what works, and now you are sharing with others what you are continuously doing to emerge and become. It’s in the “doing” that brings the power to what you do.

Enolia: I can come from my heart and be released of judgment and released of perceptions and not take on anybody else’s perceptions and be me. We all have something to offer; we all have something to give, and it’s so important that we all work together. There is room for everybody and we all have to work together.

You can find out more about Enolia and her work on her website: www.enoliafoti.com

The post Interview Series: Unleash Infinite Possibilities with Enolia Foti first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Interview Series: Unleash Infinite Possibilities with Enolia Foti appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

Careful… that’s the key word. Be careful not to attempt anything that you can’t be good at. That way, you won’t have to face the perfectionism demons that lie waiting to attack every flaw, every fault, every mistake.

Perfectionism: (n) a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection

and rejects anything else.

Rejects anything else–to the point of avoidance maybe? To the point of missing out on the experience completely in the name of being perfect?

So yes, I understand perfectionism. I understand it so well that I discovered the backdoor approach to avoiding the demons–I simply avoided the demons. I can’t be perfect, so instead of stressing about it, find a way to just not do it.

So–rejecting anything that keeps me from being perfect keeps me…perfect…

Hmmm…

Could that be why it’s been about a month since I created a blog post? Instead of spending hours putting my thoughts into words that would perfectly illustrate my point, I got busy. I created  a task list so long and laborious that avoiding the blog “just one more week” was the best obvious solution. I mean, if I justify not blogging by finding “more important” things to do, even though I promised myself that I would be consistent, I won’t really be breaking a promise I made to myself. Right?

I saw the big picture of what I was doing during a romantic trip with my husband to the Cayman Islands. I experienced the anxiety-provoking effects of my incongruous beliefs and behaviors in a somewhat surprising yet very real and raw way. Somehow being faced with to-the-core vulnerability–swimsuit, wet hair, athletic incompetence–while having every intention of being fully present with Dave left me nowhere I could hide. Behaving in a way that is inconsistent with belief is a prime cause of anxiety, and boy! Did I feel it!

I talk about facing fear all the time; I am all about walking my talk; and in this moment of being completely exposed with nowhere to hide, I came face-to-face with my “hypocrisy.” I didn’t like it.

Lucky for me, I am extremely introspective. I am also quite committed. When I put my mind to something, I do it. No matter what. I’m not always 100% willing. In fact, I can be quite stubborn. Sometimes I fight myself from every angle, and when there are no convincing angles left, “Stubborn Me” gives in to “Determined Me,” and I take another step toward “Congruent Me.”

To me, being congruent means being in full voice, which also means passionate and powerfully approaching my purpose. That makes me happy–and Happy is the goal.

**Fun side bar: By putting my new awareness into action, this particular blog post only took 30 minutes instead of several hours. It may not be perfect; it’s definitely progress!

“Men (and women) are that they might have JOY.”

The post Blogging, Beach Anxiety, and Perfectionism first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post Blogging, Beach Anxiety, and Perfectionism appeared first on Cary MacArthur.

“What is my purpose right now?”

I remember the day I received the answer to this question. It came after a process that occurred over several months.  As part of my morning study, I had been listening to A Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi, and in his chapter on Purpose, he reminded me of something I already knew– “Purpose or destiny is what you, your Self, or soul chose to do here on earth–a choice based on your soul’s attributes and wishes…That is why it gives you so much joy doing it–because you chose it a long time ago. It is what you came here to do.” And then he followed with “Sit down quietly and find out why you are here. You have a purpose.” So I did. I did it for several days. Sometimes I would have a simple and incomplete thought, so I would write it down on a 3×5 card and then set it aside.  Finally, one day I picked up all of those 3×5 cards and my purpose appeared there before me “I am ambassador for women. I help them to discover who they truly are and to find the power in their virtue.” I felt such a power in those words and I was compelled to get into action.

In contemplating what this meant in tangible terms that I could put into action, I again “sat down quietly.”  I asked myself several questions: “What, exactly, is virtue?”  “What have I done to discover my own power?” “What steps have I taken that have led me from where I was to where I am?” “What steps am I continuing to take that will lead me to where I want to be?” It all began to unfold and the steps were very clear.

So, “What is virtue?”
I had several conversations with friends, asking what “virtue” meant to them. I also researched different cultural perspectives on virtue. A comment from my friend Jen basically summarized what I found:

Virtue is cultivating a God confidence. It’s knowing who you are, where you come from, and what you stand for, and not falling from that.

To me this says two things: Virtue is knowing what your core values are and then aligning your life with them; and Virtue is knowing the true value of WHO YOU ARE! And as I evaluated my next question, I realized that discovering my own Value (or Virtue) has been the number one most profound step in my whole journey.

The other steps are the finishing touches.:

• being open to new ideas and experiences,

• becoming aware and clearing out limiting beliefs,

• stepping through fears,

• and celebrating the joy of what it feels like on the “other side.”

This has been my process. It is still unfolding and developing. I continue to reach new heights, but the process is the same. I know it works. And the best part of it all is watching it work for others who are trusting me to be their growth partner. 🙂

The post "V" is for Virtue–the Value of YOU first appeared on Cary MacArthur.

The post "V" is for Virtue–the Value of YOU appeared first on Cary MacArthur.