According to Brene Brown,  if you wanted to grow shame in a Petri dish , like bacteria, then you’d feed that shame by hiding it. Not sharing something that we feel ashamed of, we actually give it more life, and the interesting thing about that is that we actually become more and more closed up to life.

Shame sounds like such a big, scary word, but it can come from something as “little” as being afraid to let anyone see the imperfections in ourselves.  Instead of admitting that we have weaknesses, we begin to OWN them–as if we ARE them–instead of seeing them for what they really are–behavior that we can work through and change. We talk ourselves out of feeling any sense of self worth, and we close ourselves off. We become very complacent, very superficial until we lose the ability to feel emotion and our ability to truly connect with other people. And often we don’t even realize it’s happening!

I was there, I was totally there. As a mom of 5 kids, I realized that I wasn’t the “super mom” I had always planned to be. I didn’t sew, I wasn’t great at laundry, I had no idea how to style my girls’ hair in all the fancy styles, create amazing Halloween costumes…you get the idea.
At the time, I didn’t think I was in a “bad place.” I thought I was happy. I didn’t even notice that I had “closed up” at first.  I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my behavior, but the thing was, I didn’t really HAVE any behavior. I just was. Then I started having little experiences in life that were totally showing me that yes I was closed off. You know, all the things that I loved to do–like singing–I didn’t like to do anymore. I didn’t have any desire to do them.

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned–partly through my schooling but mostly through my personal “opening up” experiences–is that when life gets hard, the best thing we can do is to share the struggle. VULNERABILITY, as much as I hate to admit it, is a good thing. It’s a scary thing, but it’s a GOOD thing.   But HOW do we even become vulnerable?? For a long time, I didn’t even understand what it meant! And once I began to understand the concept, I was totally against it. I was so afraid of the whole idea!! Ironically, that fear was the key to becoming vulnerable. Feeling fear IS vulnerability.

It happened to me without me even being aware that it was happening.
As I have explained several times before, I was “accidentally” introduced to “facing fears” and “stepping out of my comfort zone.” And then I sort of became addicted to it. (I still am. ?)  The more you feel that exhilaration of making it to the other side of fear, it motivates you to BE more of who you are. At least it really motivates me.

If you are not already keenly aware of the things you are afraid of,  I challenge to sit quietly with yourself, think about the things that you have maybe stopped doing (for whatever reason) and now you are afraid to do them. You may know some of them right off the bat, and for some you might have to sit there quietly and really think about it:  “who did I used to be?” “who was I as a child?” “what did I love doing that I’m not doing now, and why?” “What are the things I avoid doing? And why am I? What is that?”
I encourage you to try it!! Take the time to really discover what your fears are, and then give yourself permission to get out of that fear. Because I promise–your fears will lead you to that exact doorway of getting what you want.