“You are already that which you want to be, and your refusal to believe it is the reason you don’t see it.” -Neville Goddard

Sometimes I just have to shake my head at some of the things I have insisted on believing about myself, even though they are the complete opposite of what I desire to be.

Have you ever heard of Confirmation Bias?  In psychology, it means “the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.”  In other words, we form certain belief patterns based on our interpretations of our life experiences, and then we look for confirmation of our beliefs in the world around us in order to prove that they are true. It provides us with a certain sense of safety. At the same time, we tend to ignore any information that might serve as evidence otherwise. For example, if you think your friend may be trying to avoid you, the fact that he doesn’t answer the phone when you call would serve as proof to you that he is indeed avoiding you, when in reality there could be a plethora of reasons why he didn’t pick up.

One particular example of Confirmation Bias in my life may seem a little crazy, but it’s still real enough to me that I feel uncomfortable sharing it, which is the reason why I am going to…

Growing up, I never would have described myself as a “beauty,” so it still kind of blows me away to think that at age 18 I actually allowed someone to talk me into entering the Miss Sevier County beauty and scholarship pageant. I pretty much hated everything about it. It was SO UNCOMFORTABLE for me (to say the least) on EVERY level–learning to walk and stand and smile and wave, wearing fancy dresses, trying to style my hair and do my make-up the way all the other girls instinctively knew how to do–but the worst part (the part that almost killed me) was the swimsuit competition. I had to walk and stand and smile and wave while wearing only a swimsuit… Oh! and heels…

Luckily, I lived in a very conservative community, and the swimsuit portion of the pageant was not open to the public (we won’t mention my friend, Dave Shaw, who found a way to sneak himself and a few football friends into the back) but even then, it was so excruciating for me. What else could I do, though, but grit my teeth, put on my facade, and do it anyway (which is my signature attitude, once I make up my mind to do something) I felt like I might faint as I walked in my nothin’s out onto that stage, and after what seemed like forever, it was over! I was SO RELIEVED! The worst was over, until that night at the end of the pageant…

As they announced the various winners of the night, guess whose name they called as the winner of the swimsuit competition…

Yeah… So, I was totally disgusted by it. I stuck out my tongue, pointed my finger down my throat, and played it off the best I could.  I just KNEW that the reason I had “won” was because they felt sorry for me. I felt like the whole county was mocking me. I was embarrassed and humiliated, and I couldn’t wait to get rid of that awful plaque. Of course, my mom wouldn’t let me throw it away, so I buried it deep inside my cedar chest and forgot almost completely about it.

Recently, while at yet another personal development event, I made a commitment that instead of listening to the negative voices in my head, I would consciously replace them with the various compliments I receive from others. After all, it’s up to me to choose what I will believe, and kind words feel much better than all that mean stuff that I’ve let myself believe for so long. As I considered some of the compliments I have received, the memory of that dreaded pageant came rushing into my mind.  I had the feeling I needed to dig the forsaken plaque out of my cedar chest where it has lived all these years and put it on my desk where I can see it often until I actually believe that maybe I could even have deserved to win.

It has taken over 40 years, but I finally feel like it is important for me to learn to receive the compliments that people give me. Maybe I can even create a new Confirmation Bias and let myself believe that they just might be true…